An Old Man's Foolish Thoughts

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icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2004-04-04 11:33 PM

Throw me down where the stars still shine,
where the world won't notice
I'm going blind and the trees still speak to me
when I'm alone,
where 'aces and eights' is a safe winning hand
where a bent old man can still take a stand.

Show me down to the river's bank,
where the birds run
hunting the tide's bounty,
where the coyote lopes at the water's edge
and my brother the crow calls the morning.

Tell me the clouds still draw the great shapes
that we watched in your youth
while I nursed you to health;
tell me the wealth that has driven you far
hasn't jaded your heart and frozen your soul;
tell me the memories of innocent love
are just sleeping inside you
and haven't been sold.

Speak to me just so I might hear your voice
make believing you tried to keep a small thought
into sparse souvenirs I could hide from the world,
of the fantasy times when you were still here
and I still could believe in the futures we drew,
and hadn't yet realized you lied.

©2004 by icebox

[This message has been edited by icebox (04-05-2004 10:29 PM).]

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

1 posted 2004-04-05 02:53 AM

Oh, it's all still there, icebox - the clouds, the fantasy times - we just need to believe it is so and then ... seek to find - again. Somehow life hides these things from view and perhaps that be the challenge of life.

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2004-04-05 03:29 AM

I love the thoughts that flow from your poetic heart. I read you for inspiration and for the peace endowed by your splendid phrases.
Your work is much appreciated
Liz

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-04-05 04:17 AM

this hits deep

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2004-04-05 04:35 AM

Such melancholy runs deep.
After this read one wants to stop for a moment looking out of the window and let memories surge.
The last remark is bitter.
Masterfully penned.
Love, Margherita

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

5 posted 2004-04-05 05:00 AM

yes, things arent always what they seem...
sight can fail us, hearing can fail us...
even our memories often falter..
but...emotion is imprinted on your heart..your lifetime lays beyond sensory perception...in places left untouched by time.

this is a touching, sad write...i can tell by all that i read of you that you certainly still remember "emotion"

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

6 posted 2004-04-05 08:17 AM

Icy~

Tried to figure what were my favorite lines and ended up reading it in reverse the second time.

The emotion is there either way.

Outstanding.

Love ya! Susan

Always Lisa
Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 133

7 posted 2004-04-05 08:31 AM

Consider playing with L5 a bit more. Something like...
These aces and eighths are a safe winning hand

There are a few small other nits that I could pick at but I'll save you from those to instead tell you that I enjoyed the read.

Lisa

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

8 posted 2004-04-05 09:21 AM

Your writing always make me stop and sit still for a few minutes...and ponder one aspect of life or another...I appreciate that, and all your work.
Excellent write.
Hugs~

~Before befriending butterflies
you have to meet with midnight moths.~

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

9 posted 2004-04-05 09:39 AM

IceBox~
It isn't often that I echo another's thoughts .... but Margherita nailed this one spot on~

Beautiful thought workmanship~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

[email protected]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

10 posted 2004-04-05 11:59 AM

Not foolish, icebox....touching, with an ache of sadness, the soft touch of love, and very well written.

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

11 posted 2004-04-05 08:48 PM

I enjoyed this. I liked the parallel lines, 'throw me down' and 'show me down'. I think it should probably be 'making believe' instead of 'make believing'. Maybe not. Nicely done, and I'm sorry she's such a liar. But the coyote and the crow don't care, why should you?

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

12 posted 2004-04-05 10:20 PM

oh christ, those last lines..floored

[This message has been edited by Aenimal (04-05-2004 11:31 PM).]

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

13 posted 2004-04-06 05:38 AM

"where the world won't notice"
Well..friend..

As long as you create masterpieces
like this wonderful write
I don't think theres any place
you could go where we wouldn't
notice your talents!!

^*-Kimberley-*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

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