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Fisherman
Junior Member

since 2000-04-14

Posts 46

0 posted 2004-04-03 12:35 PM

The air hung as heavy
as yellowed drapes
in threadbare disrepair-
smelling the smell
of must and dust
amid shadowed forms
and weathered shapes
she reminisced
of passions missed-
reaching out
but not quite touching
a thought that was not there
except within a memory
entombed in darkened room-
with air hanging as heavy
as yellowed drapes
in threadbare disrepair.

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

1 posted 2004-04-03 03:29 AM

beautifully put

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

2 posted 2004-04-03 06:06 AM

"she reminisced
of passions missed-"
I love these rhyming couplets which you used.
They give the rhythm a bit of zest!
I really enjoyed this write!!

^*-Kimberley-*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

3 posted 2004-04-03 07:43 AM

Man those first few lines with such excellent metaphors are really capturing.
The scene becomes very vivid right away.

Eric

Ain't doin nothin at all
Just answerin the call
Kinda driftin away from it all~~~~~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 2004-04-03 07:47 AM

Fisherman
You netted a fish with this one. Enjoyed

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2004-04-03 10:37 AM

fisherman

You set the mood of this with some great imagery...very much enjoyed!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2004-04-03 10:47 AM

Very nicely penned....loved the imagery.
Welcome to Passions!
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Before befriending butterflies
you have to meet with midnight moths.~

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

7 posted 2004-04-03 01:54 PM

You're a good writer, fisherman.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

8 posted 2004-04-03 05:07 PM

reaching out
but not quite touching
a thought that was not there
except within a memory

You set the mood to mind, and I cannot only feel this,
I can see it so clearly.

Wonderful writing, Fisherman~

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

9 posted 2004-04-03 05:14 PM

Wonderful - I am putting this into my library! Chris

Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
Hans Christian Anderson

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

10 posted 2004-04-04 12:52 PM

A homecoming?
LOl, I wish you would repost your original fish tale, the one I just discovered in the archives, one you posted long before I joined Pips.

I thoroughly enjoyed this one tonight, but?
I was ROTFLMAO at that post from long ago.

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

11 posted 2004-04-23 09:10 AM

she reminisced
of passions missed-
reaching out
but not quite touching
a thought that was not there
except within a memory
entombed in darkened room-

~*~

How did you know?

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

12 posted 2007-11-11 12:49 PM

enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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