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Arrays Of Ecstasy
| Open Poetry #31 |
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Arrays Of Ecstasy |
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Obscurity Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 153In A Melancholic Dream |
Before you start to throw stuff at me (shoes, books, webpages), please note that this is kind of a new style for me, so try to throw stuff that doesn't hurt (bunnies, slippers, cigarettes). Have you been broken? Shattered like the glass, Of the vase that held your flowers? Those spiritful arrays of ecstasy, Blazed the skies like aurora borealis Uncharted emotions moved with the wind, Until all that remained was a vase Now those flowers are withered, Only the thorns remain Our flames of ecstasy burned, Til' all that was left were cinders |
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| © Copyright 2004 Brett Gailey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Obscurity Please except what I throw here as rose petals... I like your new style...:-) The opening questions set the theme of the poem solidly in the readers mind...then you use the beauty of nature (colors of the northern lights) to tell how profound the emotion was.. "Those spiritful arrays of ecstasy, Blazed the skies like aurora borealis.." Unfortunately, those feelings became obscured... "Uncharted emotions moved with the wind, Until all that remained was a vase" (The northern lights faded and now all you see is a grey sky) The last stanza is full of lament and regret of what has been lost.....  This poem reads very well, the form is tight....compact, and flows easily off the readers lips... One humble suggestion...you may think about removing the "the" from this line, In the spirit of brevity it does not seem to be needed.. "Only(the) thorns remain" Thank you for the poem, I enjoyed reading it...  ______ice ><> btw.. Is "spiritful" in this line..."Those spiritful arrays of ecstasy" supposed to be spiritual? or have you taken the poetic liberty to create a new word? (I have done this many times) spirtiful--spirit filled- spirit full...it works for me if you have, but if it was a mistake, I thought you might like to know about it...:-) |
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Obscurity Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 153In A Melancholic Dream |
Heh, I have taken the poetic liberty of creating a new word! More so on the edge of Spirit Filled, similar to 'Enthusiastic'. I honestly couldn't find a word/s I liked that represented what I wanted to portray. Your opinions, and your criticism is very much appreciated. Thankyou. |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Yes Dave |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I am glad I went back for this one |
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