Open Poetry #31 |
Cough Sweets I lied |
DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
It cold the night I met you and you know how we sat We must have appeared interesting You dont normally get 2 cats Holding you shivering Nice to feel emotion Pity it was the weather And us without a notion Pecking at our lips Like parrots on seed Bits hanging Plastered to salvation Offering A religious sight Of self-sacrifice But a good supply of cough sweets Sold the evening And Day Snf er dtryi er d We said As we went on our way For as every time I tried A girl in the chemists smiled And cough sweets I lied And went away As is my style |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Enjoyed this stanza most especially: "Pecking at our lips Like parrots on seed Bits hanging Plastered to salvation Offering A religious sight Of self-sacrifice" I enjoyed it so much that I had to ask about the stanza that followed, especially: "Snf er dtryi er d" Hmmm. Is the incomprehension intended? If so, in the context of the poem, I believe I can relate--there are moments in life where a meeting of minds is fragile and special and can never be duplicated, try as we might. And in retrospect, it can be as though we spoke another language. A thoughtful write, and I enjoyed. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
last page reminded me of my last crush. .............I kick my self every day. -Juju- |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Nice to feel emotion You just offered some. You created a very particular atmosphere .... based on cough sweets. Wow. Love, Margherita |
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mytuesdaywishes Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 254a voice from the musicbox |
very interesting write....unique for sure, yay:Þ joy has its own justice. and dreams are languid and lawless. and everything bows to beauty, when it's fierce and when it's flawless... |
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Startime55 Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148Alberta, Canada |
Amazing how every time I read this poem I see something different....understanding comes on many levels...Well done... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Well done Dave..very unique and interesting. ~Smiles & Hugs~ ~ Those who complain the sun has gone out of their world |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Serenity The sniffles were sniffles, but I often write deeper since I just let my real self take over. It can seem like a code of lovers, a sharing of minds, a giving and taking, a dont give a damn, and living in hell, you find a new plain to seek or may be you are just making noises to two cats who wonder why people would want to sit on a wall in the cold and hug each other. Juju I often to write that the world is not exact and we screw up. In some cases again, our brains take over where other parts of anatomy would desire something else. We live and we learn I suppose, but in truth, I doubt it. Margherita Amazing what you can do with worn out tools, stooping to rebuild something that should only happen in warm climates Mytuesdaywishes Thanks Startime55 Thanks. It is on different levels and I did try to bring in multiple meanings but to leave it as a straight write. It is about 2 young lovers and it does disclose the differences in people's attitudes and the cats were pseudo-critics and off-putting by rubbing against their legs when they had over things to try and get over. Enchantress Thank you regards Dave |
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