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Teen Poetry #7

Seeing through shadows

HeroicVillan
Junior Member

since 2002-11-09

Posts 34
Lost.....

0 posted 2004-02-12 10:36 PM

What can make the World turn,
and leave no spirit spared.
Its not that we could never learn,
only that we never cared-

Didnt want the darkness to be bright,
I didnt want to feel control-
wanted only to regain the light,
of My own Immortal Soul.

What, we ask, is the cause of this?
Why dont we even care?
It might just be that final kiss,
of a Death we all must share-

Dreamed of what we thought was right,
left behind our simple roles.
Sent them to flicker, in the night,
shadows cast by smothered coals-

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-02-13 01:43 PM

good start on imagery. it seemed vague in the point to me.

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2004-02-15 03:31 PM

I like it...

My favorite type of writing... probably the most common, but it's so peaceful to read if the rhythm's right, which you did a good job on, except for the first line in the second paragraph:

"Didn't want the darkness to be bright."

May I suggest fewer syllables there? It would fit in with the rest much better.

The feeling, I love... a little wistful, a little sad, a little thoughtful, but not too depressing.

I'll be looking for more!

~Laura

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

3 posted 2004-02-19 08:16 PM

I like the darkness personnaly. I also like the poem. It was good. I dont exactly get the whole meaning, but maybe thats what you wanted.
~Vampire Kisses

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

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