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Teen Poetry #7
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Vague, Yet So Clear
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Vague, Yet So Clear |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Vague, Yet So Clear She lights a cigarette, The whole room is engulfed in a cloud of smoke, One slow and long drag at a time, An ash falls here and there, No matter, her beauty still shines through, She doesn't know I'm watching her, She thinks she's alone, I stand near her without any acknowledgment, I try to reach for her but my hands won't reach, A force keeps me back. Tears start to stream down her face, A frame with a picture of her and me is inside, Smiling and full of life and love, I try to reach her once again but cannot, I've realized that I'm just a memory and I haven't faded yet, I'm just an angel who is unable to feel, Her love was just not enough to wake each day, Now I see what pain I've caused when I decided to take my one last breath. "Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jessica Dodson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Wow, this was... just wow. I really like this. I think this is trying to say that by taking your life you arent just hurting yourself, but those you love, and that love you. Atleast thats waht i get from it. I think he is realizing what he lost and how much pain he has caused. This was really touching. Cant wait to hear more! ~kissa~ **~kissa~** |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This was an excellent poem. I loved the vandatage point it was written from. Very tragic. This was a great read. "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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DuckieGurL Junior Member
since 2004-04-01
Posts 15 |
btw..are you Betty? this is Yannie!!! very nice imagery throughout the entire poem..love your style |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
If you were asking me, no...this is Jess. lol Thanks for the comment!  Kiss, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for bliss. |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
I like your writing style, i don't really like the poem there's nothing really wrong with it, i just think the idea of someone not killing them selves just because they don't want to hurt other people is...i'm not really shore of the right word but it's like a kid standing on a box of apples just to get one that is on a counter, or something like that...keep writing when you live you begin to die |
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spritrider87 Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294NH |
this poem really helped me. it made me see what i would be doing to people if i decided to end it all. though i dont have anyone as close to hurt people would still hurt and i cant do that. thanks so much even though you didnt intend to help me persay. "alone yet unafraid to hurt. i go through every day trying to find my way. where is the light. where is my fight. is this how it ends?" |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Wow! I wrote this poem forever ago! The concept of death isn't something I normally use in my writing so it was something out of the ordinary. I guess when my mind came up with this, it was meant for you to read! Glad to help! ~Jess "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
wow...i'm speechless. this poem was so sad . . . I'm going to put this in the library . . . hope you don't mind!  ~Alli~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
this was pretty sad  but i liked it. You wrote it very nicely and it painted a picture so well for me. Great job on this one, seriously. I left my wallet in El Segundo... And I gotta get it I got got to get it! |
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