Neckties (Pushed 'Round Our Hearts)

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-07-20 02:44 PM

This is a new song for my band.

Neckties (Pushed 'Round Our Hearts)

The phone screams for an answer
And I say "Hello" to the dial tone.
I ran quickly, I swear,
But remembered I "Wasn't Home"

Try to overide this guilty conscience
But my whisper tells no lies.
Try to provide some kind of allowance
For my heart to sever these ties.

Pacing with an itchy hand at the right,
I await a silky voice with no choice.
No more purpose to tear tonight,
I'm thinking of some catchy ploy.

Try to overide this guilty conscience
But my whisper tells no lies.
Try to provide some kind of allowance
For my heart to sever these ties.

I choked back the phone line,
And watched it strike in silence,
So isolation saves me this time,
All hang the crime done in Florence.
You remember too well, my dear,
Let a little slip sometime.
Forget the moments I drew near
And crossed the invisible line.

Try to overide this guilty conscience
But my whisper tells no lies.
Try to provide some kind of allowance
For my heart to sever these ties.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

1 posted 2004-07-20 07:24 PM

Okay, obviously, Try to overide this guilty conscience.. is the chorus type thing, right? and the bridge is I choked... This intrigues me and makes me wonder a) do you play guitar, and b) what kind of music does your band play? Already you must realize this song contains better lyrics than half of the songs in the world, maybe more, and a song is only 50% lyrics, 50% music, so I feel like I'm only getting 50%....

Arg.. why does the power in my house keep going off?

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2004-07-20 10:26 PM

yes i play guitar. my band plays acoustic music. our singer has a sweet emo voice. i harmonize well with him too.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

3 posted 2004-07-21 10:47 PM

Sweet. Just sweet. ~Jess

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-07-22 12:21 PM

thanks jess...anyone else?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2004-07-26 01:29 AM

I think you need more verses, less chorus in that one...or a shorter chorus with extension to it....like extend your words making it a long chorus, but not in actual words....do you get me? lol

also- im only saying that cuz of the lack of verses, i feel.

Maybe improve of some of the verses too....add some more meaning to them. I felt that some of the meaning was lost and mainly the song lied in the chorus without actual hard content in the middle.

you will do just fine though, this can be a good song

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

6 posted 2004-07-26 04:28 PM

thanks for the comment, i'm not sure that i understand completely what you are saying

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