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Teen Poetry #7

A Name, A Face, A Number

davidmerriman
Member

since 2003-04-30

Posts 123
Dallas, TX

0 posted 2004-02-06 07:24 PM

Clay face
Push your face
Hard little face.
Make it smudge -- make it beautiful.

You look at yourself and the tears race down
Hot and fast and scalding -- rolling thunderbolts
Bursting, blowing, shattering glass,
Shattered veins and a shattered face.
The face is the look, is the person, is the life.

Kiss me, clay face
Let me touch you.
Let
me
touch you.

Sometimes you harden and you take a liquid to soften,
And hungry hands fold you as they please.
Pretty soon you'll crack apart, brittle and broken.
Over-used and shapeless.
And you scream and you scream to soften again.

Will I be there? Will I?
Would I keep you on my shelf?
Attend to you like some dead flower?
Press your sticky, disgusting surface
On my face for fourty years?

Your clay face seems to be breaking.
Outside it is gray and blue.
Abandoning your fat friend, the sun,
Now you bake yourself in the kiln.
What are you expecting to mold into?

my writings
"We talk so abstractly about poetry, because we are all bad poets." - Nietzsche

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-02-06 09:25 PM

I'm not understanding the lack of response, because I am blown away by this piece. Its awesome. "Make it smudge---make it beautiful." Awesome line.
There was so much I liked about this.
No line was boring, everything was meaningful.
I'm saving this.
~Lex

davidmerriman
Member

since 2003-04-30

Posts 123
Dallas, TX

2 posted 2004-02-07 01:29 AM

thank you lex for the comment.
this is my first attempt at freeform, so i'm glad it went over fairly decently.

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

3 posted 2004-02-07 09:25 PM

David-
This is awesome! Like the other poster said, not a line in this is boring. Thats exactly what you want for freeform, and you first try at it went great!

Congradulations. I look forward to more.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-02-07 09:31 PM

i agree that it was a good poem. great description and flow. the only part i wasnt too keen on was the "let...me...touch...you" im not a fan of the phrase being chopped up like that. good work none the less.
-alex

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