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Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

0 posted 2004-02-05 08:03 PM

I knew you were the right girl
When you came into my world
You didn't know it at the time
But you filled my heart with rhyme

I can't believe how I feel
But I know inside it's real
Do you feel the same way?
As I stare from afar everyday

I get butterflies in my heart
When we're together and even apart
Just the sound of your name
Always makes me feel the same

All warm and cozy inside
It always gives me a little more pride
I write you this as I think of you
Are you thinking of me, too?

As I think these many thoughts
Memories of you are sought
I remember them to keep
As I lay myself to sleep

I think of you in darkening night
And always-in bright and early light

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

1 posted 2004-02-05 09:00 PM

Awwwww....sweeeeeet!! Lovely rhyme

Liz x

"Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2004-02-05 09:49 PM

forced rhyming. not too fond of it. sounds much like everything else written from the billion teen poets on here. needs originality.

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

3 posted 2004-02-05 11:46 PM

ESP: "Great rhyming"
Young: "Forced rhyming, not to fond of it"

Haha, amazing the different opinions on here. Usually, its just some people respond nice job to everything, and others are real.

Anyways, I'm gonna have to agree w/ Young-B on this one... Sounds really forced, and exactly like every other poem about love on this forum.

Sorry, but there is no originality, and its all cliched.

Keep writing though

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

4 posted 2004-02-06 05:13 AM

unfortunately i agree the rhyming does sound forced but none the less the poem is heart felt and amazingly written.......
in the future let the words flow from the pen onto the paper even if not all the verses rhyme it sounds more realistic and from the heart.... how many people when they are telling someone how they feel use rhyme constantly????? leave the words flow naturally.....
otherwise this was beautiful..... and you should show the person you were thinking of the poem..... it will make even the iciest heart melt and start to feel again......
Mel

this is me.... like it or not....
its who i am!
i am woman hear me roar

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

5 posted 2004-02-07 10:56 PM

"I get butterflies in my heart
When we're together and even apart
Just the sound of your name
Always makes me feel the same"

I love this part of the poem. I feel this way about a guy in my life rightnow. I am grounded (still have another month left, and it sucks) and all i do is think about him. I barely ever see him, since i am grounded and when i do i just get the warm fuzzys. ~lol -and i dont care if its cliched. ~lol I really like this poem though, even if the rhyming does sound a little forced, all that matters is that it came from your heart. I cant wait to hear more.
~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

6 posted 2004-02-10 02:21 PM

I usually really enjoy reading your poems and this one is ok, but I have to agree with the others... the rhyming is somewhat forced and I don't like that. Anyway, the sentiment is good. I am sure that any girl would be proud to know you wrote this poem for her.

chicken
Junior Member

since 2003-07-27

Posts 44

7 posted 2004-02-10 02:26 PM

im in love with this poem

pammy
Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 50
California

8 posted 2004-02-29 12:36 PM

hey...
this is a great poem and very heartfelt...i have something to say hto and i hope you dont mind
i agree with the others that the rhyming is a little much but it still sounds good...
when your writing about things like love or even pain...any emotion just let it flow.like my poems dont really rhyme and i could care less. thank you by the way for your response to my poem and i really do enjoy your work..i have added you to my msn messnager so i hope to talk to you soon.

~*Pammy*~
“The brave may not live for long,
but the sheltered never live at all”

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