First Place Is Last Without You

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-01-29 08:43 PM

heres a new song by me. if im not supposed to put songs on here. read it as a poem.

First Place Is Last Without You

Another first prize line
Rolls across the staged action show,
But you impress me anyway.
I can't swear my love to you
Because swearing is something
That i never want to do.
Can you feel this?
(Do you hear this?)
Do you need this?

I could shut out the headlines
And carry on what you began.
Whirlwind eyes that never compromise
Wish me out to sea tonight.

Another year like last '98,
One swept away much quicker
Than i could drink it in.
I've lost our pictures,
I've found all the secrets
That were kept hidden again.
Can you cry for this?
(Can you laugh at this?)
Did you pray for this?

I could shut out the headlines
And carry on what you began.
Whirlwind eyes that never compromise
Wish me out to sea tonight.

hearts with pins
Prove to all that lies win out,
Vintage words, faded kisses,
Plush intents tear from wear.
(Tear from wear)
My eyes tear from wear,
(Do you tear from wear?)

I could shut out the headlines
And carry on what you began.
Whirlwind eyes that never compromise
Wish me out to sea tonight.
Losing in luck's light
With you my lady so far.
These Garland skies never cry
Harder than I on the sea tonight.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

1 posted 2004-01-31 12:54 PM

Young-
Whats goin on bro?  Sorry no ones been responding.  This is definetly one that should have gotten some feedback.
This definetly has some great words, especially for a song.  Usually songs dont have too much meaning, but this is definelty good.  Just curious, you have an actual beat to this, or just lyrics so far?

Anyway, keep it up.  This ones great!

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

2 posted 2004-01-31 03:44 AM

definitly got some talent here as a song writer..... one of my mates is in a band he can give you better feed back on it than what i would be able.... you will need to email me for the web URL.... [email protected] ......
i though the song is amazing and hope you can get a beat goin to it if you havent yet

this is me.... like it or not....
its who i am!
i am woman hear me roar

SweetStephanie
Junior Member

since 2003-12-29

Posts 18
Alabama,

3 posted 2004-01-31 05:03 AM

I like it but this is my fav verse

Another year like last '98,
One swept away much quicker
Than i could drink it in.
I've lost our pictures,
I've found all the secrets
That were kept hidden again.
Can you cry for this?
(Can you laugh at this?)
Did you pray for this?

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-01-31 02:23 PM

thanks alot for the comments guys. i'm torn between making this a punk song, an acoustic one, or a rock one. i've got music for all and can sing all too. so i dont know...

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

5 posted 2004-01-31 03:24 PM

Personally, I'd recommend acoustic. This isn't a music forum, so I wont go into details, but I can picture this as a slow, acoustic song.

Nice job again.

muchos
Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 102

6 posted 2004-01-31 06:39 PM

hey young,
well you've managed to pull it off again. i come on here, and im blown away with your talent. I love this, especially as a song. its great. and i agree with drummer, i see it as a slow acoustic, thats how i was playing it out in my head while i was reading it. its good though. have a gooder, and i hope that you figure out what you want to do with it. keep it up. and i look forward to hearing it on much music (a canadian music station haha) all the luck

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

7 posted 2004-01-31 11:17 PM

Are you a radiohead fan?
I think this is awesome. I wish I could HEAR it. acoustic seems like it would fit.
"hearts with pins
Prove to all that lies win out,
Vintage words, faded kisses,
Plush intents tear from wear.
(Tear from wear)
My eyes tear from wear,
(Do you tear from wear?)"
I tear.
I love that part.
great writing.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

8 posted 2004-02-01 07:11 PM

Amazing song, it captures alot. I really love this.
Personally I would like it in either acoustic or rock.
Excellent job, I hope you get this song on the radio someday.
Laugh often, love much, live well.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

9 posted 2004-02-02 04:39 PM

ah thank you all. im just getting over a cold so im having to wait a bit to see how it sounds with music. acoustic is what i decided on this one too. thank you al for your comments

loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

10 posted 2006-06-26 09:30 PM

omg u sing you write poetry and you write songs...what dont u do? sorry im like a crazy friggin fan now!

"when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join them in a mutual weirdness and call it love-true love"

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

11 posted 2006-07-04 01:13 PM

I've read most of your songs/ poems. I thought it was very good. Are you gonna make a record out of the ones you already wrote or are you gonna just keep on writing? either way you did a very nice job on it and I hope to see more.

~You might have scars all over your body but what about the ones engraved in your memories~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

12 posted 2006-07-06 01:51 AM

i'm getting ready to send a demo into a record label in Ohio, thanks for asking and reading

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

13 posted 2006-07-06 01:44 PM

hey, if you can, get a URL so we can hear the song!!!i'd really like to!nice write, its really good, i enjoyed it, and would love to hear what you came up with for it!

-missy

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

14 posted 2006-07-12 03:50 AM

damn, if only i could write like you! i've tried the song deal, cant really seem to get into the groove though! do you give lessons??? lol

Viola

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