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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2004-01-29 08:39 PM

I’ll scream it in your face,
20,000 times,
If that’s what it takes,
For you...to never forget me.

When you’re withdrawn and old,
Never forget me.
When you no longer have me to hold,
Seek out my memory.
Never forget me.

When you’re sad and all alone,
Never forget me.
When your hair turns gray
and your kids are all grown,
Never forget me.

When you start to lose the battle,
And your life starts to F..A..D..E,
Never forget my face,
And all the memories we made....

"Pain is just weakness escaping the body."

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-01-29 08:49 PM

hmmm...not you're best. it seemed too simple. it was alright though.
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

2 posted 2004-01-29 10:27 PM

I'm going to have to agree with Alex here.  Definetly not bad, in fact, a lot better than most rhyming poems on the forums.
However, it does seem just too simple.  I can obviously tell your a good writer, and it sounds like this was just a quick write.  Good, but could be better.

Nice job though.  Still better than most rhyming poems I read.

-Taylor

Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

3 posted 2004-01-30 01:21 AM

I agree with the first two comments, that is was simple but that's part of why I like this poem!

Life is a moderately good play w/ a badly written thrid act. - Unknown

SweetStephanie
Junior Member

since 2003-12-29

Posts 18
Alabama,

4 posted 2004-01-31 05:21 AM

i love it and i can relate good work

~~~stephanie~~~~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

5 posted 2004-02-01 10:36 AM

I liked this Stac. The statement you are making sends a very strong message, the poem in it's entirity is well written and the rhyme scheme is perfect! Write on gal!

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

6 posted 2004-02-02 12:36 PM

I can relate all too well to this sentiment, the vehement desire to be remembered by those whom you will remember. The determination to make a lasting impression upon someone whether it's good or bad. Sometimes it even seems as if we do it to seem significant. Perhaps I'm reading to deep into this but this was a good read. Simplicity has its perks and this poem displays that simplicity with exemplary skill. Well done, as I recall it, you are/were an adroit writer I await more of your works for mental consumption.

-Paragon.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2004-02-02 03:50 PM

I really like this one, I think it was somewhat different from your usual.
Personally I don't think it was too simple.
Thanks for sharing, this one's going in my library.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

unwantedspork
Junior Member

since 2004-02-02

Posts 24

8 posted 2004-02-02 11:20 PM

I actually like it. This is one poem, that people, who dont always liek poetry, could understand, and relate. Sometimes, it just needs to pe simple, and at the same time, a great piece of work. Gj

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