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RedDiamond1307
Junior Member

since 2004-01-05

Posts 20

0 posted 2004-01-07 04:29 PM

A heartbreaks as a black feather lands,
sweet dreams are floated away on the white, glistening sands.
In her nitch, in the cold, world, she pretends she is unbreackable and strong,
but it dawns on her...she can't remember her own simple song.
Her soft lips are plastered with a crimson red,
like the blood that lies on the black sheets of her bed.
She hides a wicked seceret within the dark depths of her soul,
though she looks like she is calm and in control.
A silent whisper is sighed in the blackness of the night,
she doesn't think it will happen...but it might.
Silent red tears are deadly, but true,
She won't admit, but there is a painful feeling of missing you.
The wind is violent and has no shame,
her body is cold and broken, but it still feels harsh pain.
And in all the midst of all this crap,
she just wishes she could take her life back
cuz all the doors are closed in her fragile mind,
if one more thing happens, her life wil be blind.
In the darkness of her mind is her grim reepr,
God just give me the strength to burry my soul alittle deeper.

the_fortress
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 28

1 posted 2004-01-07 10:16 PM

This poem just gave me tears. That was wonderous beyond belief. I pictured a girl on a beach just crying and missing someone. Your description is so well made and filled with imagery. This might be the best i've seen yet.

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

2 posted 2004-01-07 10:46 PM

The pain and hopelessness of this poem just wrenched at my heart. Very well written and expressed.
~Live and Laugh~

Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less
~Bella~

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

3 posted 2004-02-01 12:18 PM

ok i got imagery from that...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

4 posted 2004-02-01 08:51 PM

Wow, very powerful piece. I really like this.
The only thing I could see wrong with it is the word "crap". It kinda took away from the flow of the poem, like a skip on a CD, it was very noticable. And looking at the words before, it doesn't even need to be there to get the point across.
Otherwise, excellent job.
Thank you for sharing.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

5 posted 2004-02-02 09:38 PM

Like Winter Wren said, very powerful. Great work, EXCELLENT! This one is going in my library. ~Jess

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

unwantedspork
Junior Member

since 2004-02-02

Posts 24

6 posted 2004-02-02 10:18 PM

Wow, do you know how perfectly close this is to my life? Its really weird. I feel like your my inner soul. Great work with imagery!

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