Lonely Driveway - pipTalk Forums

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-01-24 10:20 AM

this is a really old poem. one of my first writes ever. this is not the style i really use anymore, but i need to post something, so enjoy or don't.

Lonely Driveway

I flew back as quickly
as i could, burning the air
just to get to your house
on time and make you happy for once
i was minutes late, breaking the limit
of your grace period
i try and converse and make it
seem alright, but responses
come like inmates to their ,
none want to willingly visit me
noise permeates the air, but
my vocals are not among them,
your rejection to me is worse
than floggings for innocence

When will you make time for me?
i walk towards you and you run
im searching for the things to say
but when i remember, the thought slips away
i see you outside and persue you with vigor
a shadow passes over me,
your protector has arrived
he drives me away without force
all he does is touch your hand and
hold your arm
this reminder is enough to stay my tongue
it strikes fear in my heart

so i leave, slipping away unnoticed
you dont care, your lord protector is there
keeping watch over you, saving you from
the courtiers, the pushing crowd.
maybe the crowd is one, consisting of me,
so i do leave, hiding a tear of hurt
the party continues without me
i trudge down the lonely driveway and return.....home

now im alone, but not lonely like before

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2004-01-24 06:06 PM

i dont favor this style of writing but i think for this piece it works well. I loved this poem..it reminds me of a relationship with an old boyfriend. Good job and im glad you pulled it out from the past!

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2004-01-25 04:54 PM

thanks for the compliment!!

now im alone, but not lonely like before

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

3 posted 2004-01-26 05:28 PM

I like it. This style is ok. Its not like horrible or anything. I like your style now better than this, but it is still good.

~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

4 posted 2004-01-26 07:41 PM

I enjoy your current style more than your older style, I suppose. This, however, did have its good qualities. I enjoyed the opening lines.

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