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Sinjin
New Member

since 2004-01-26

Posts 2

0 posted 2004-01-26 07:21 PM

I'm sorry if this is cliched- knowing a teen poetry forum it's probably been beaten half to death. Still, I like to put my poetry up for review like this, as real input on this sort of thing is rare. (Please do not say "Oh that's so awesome!"- I feed on constructive criticism)

"Can you say it?"

He looks into her eyes
and wishes that he could freeze time.
Perhaps to give himself just
a few more minutes.
Just a few more minutes,
as he has told himself over and over again.
But even then, if he had a
hundred years to prepare,
she would destroy it all
with just one look.

Suddenly he feels he might have it
but the words lose themselves
and no sound comes out.
The only reply is a confused stare.

He is furious now,
and, still unable to speak,
he turns and walks down the hall
without a word.

He stops short, though,
as if he had run into a brick wall
when he feels a slender hand
grace his shoulder.

One look,
and he knows she understands everything.
When she falls into his arms
he can feel his knees shake
when her cheek brushes against his
and their tears start to run together.
He knows now,
that he doesn't have to say anything.
But the words, by magic,
find themselves again,
and as they fly from his mouth
he can feel himself drown
in his own happiness.

"I love you..."
PS- Is this a forum for subject matter that would only relate to teens, or can teens such as myself post poems on ANY subject matter?

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

1 posted 2004-01-26 08:13 PM

yeah thats a good poem. i likes it.

nice imagery. not forced to rhyme.

and, you can post almost any subject matter, but its best to keep it to teen related things ( i think )

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2004-01-26 09:18 PM

first off...
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!

I really liked this poem...cliched or not it's a subject that everyone at some point in time or another can relate to and i dont feel that it can ever get old. To answer your question, write what you feel...if it is of a more mature nature then i think its best you post that in the Open Poetry Forum and curses arent permitted.

Cant wait to read more from you!!!

P.S.- Check your e-mail for a special greeting!

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

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