Teen Poetry #7 |
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79' nova |
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EverRuss Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 66Indiana |
November sun rays drying up my face Remembering what it was like around you I dont know where Im going Interstates taking me somewhere Jeans are ragged had a little wear Im thinkin about the wind in your soft hair Breath is freezing told you I loved the cold Told you Id always be there even when were old Told me not to talk, Told me just to sing Hang Around we're waiting for the spring 16 years has given a little more knowledge about me Was a boy now a man now im running without you My thoughts are blurred vision on the fluries Thinking about you more as the snow comes down Its scary no one around execpt the phone The Waitress at the counter Im afraid, Afraid of the lights, Afraid of the sights, Afraid of the ghosts Im letting it go in a '79 nova City limits are just a thought of the past My car is speeding all to fast And i cant stop thinking about you The ones i know dont know where I am And i cant stop thinking about you! Do you need a little space A time and time and place Meet you at the bar pull up in my car Anything so Im not without you Car wheels are spinning Taking time forgetting about you Spent a whole year dreaming and Im waking up Lost and hopeless feeling Like i do not belong here No i don't belong here Keep rollin' Im never coming back Hearts been stolen I'll never get it back Goodbye, Not crying in my '79 Nova, goodbye If my poems could talk they would mean more than the words |
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© Copyright 2004 Russell J - All Rights Reserved | |||
young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
this was a very good write. i'm surprised that no one has commented yet. anyway, you need to use some more punctuation to make it flow better.otherwise it was great. -alex now im alone, but not lonely like before |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
Im really liking your poems. This one is very expressive, the imagery is wonderful. I agree about the punctuation though ![]() W.W. |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
That was pretty good, but your rhyming was forced. and your structure wasnt the greatest, work on these two and you will succeed. |
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EverRuss Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 66Indiana |
ectasy i dont think you are picking up on my style. Its not the typical rhyming scheme type of poems. Mine are true feelings expressed in the most real way possible. There for, your comments on structure would only kill my poetry If my poems could talk they would mean more than the words |
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