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Teen Poetry #7
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Missed
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Missed |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Two weeks i haven't seen you, havenn't heard your voice. Believe me if i could i would, but i haven't got a choice! I'm grounded till the end of time, or so it seems to feel! I cant see or touch or hear you, I hate this whole ordeal. I miss your funny smile, and the way you're always there. I'm grounded for so long, I just dont think it's fair. It's only been two weeks It's not even going fast. Two more months and I'm free Ungrounded at last. Out of all the people i thought i'd miss, I didn't expect to miss you. You're always on my mind, In everything i do. When i finally get ungrounded, the first thing i'm gonna do, Is give you a big hug, and confess my love for you! **~kissa~** *I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park |
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| © Copyright 2004 Karissa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
oh wow....i to say it but this is really cliche. boy oh boy...umm...the whole ungrounded thing makes you sound like you're a 10 year old. you don't really have any strong emotions in it or visuals or imagery in it. you need to expand your mind outside of the everyday style of teenage poetry writing. find something really unique, something that you can say "wow, i came up with that all by myself." then, you will feel more accomplished in your work. I used to write the exact same way you do, but i got sick of it because everyone in my school wrote like that, so i switched styles. i found new ideas, new phrases, new imagery. it was awesome. I encourage you to do the same. good luck!! -alex |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
thank you. I appreciate your thoughts. I will try and umm.. open my mind i guess you could say. I have been trying to use more imagery lately. I wrote this a while ago, and i think some of my more recent ones are better, but i am not ready to post them, i want to add to them and make them better! Thanx. ~kissa~ **~kissa~** |
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Sweetpoet16m4u04 Member
since 2002-11-10
Posts 153Ma, U.S.A |
Hey Kissa!! First of all thanks for that beautiful comment to my Your on my mind once more poem. I thought id repay that comment with this. This was simply breathtaking the imagery is there its a well put piece. I can relate to it as well because there is that one girl that i cant have but yet will do everything and anything possible to make it happen. Hugs, Chris |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
yeah i agree, the imagery is awesome. well done and i like the rhymes, they're not forced. keep it up. |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
hey, This flows really well. It was just really easy to follow. Thanks for the read. Jen Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
That is a really nice, well thought out poem. Your words flowed really well and your ryming wasn't forced. Good Work! P.S. Thanks for the critique on my poem! |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
i like the the post first to say but i've never been grounded, but i know what it's like to not be able to see ppl for a long time. you got grounded for a long time i feel sorrow for you have you have a good time being grounded try not to go stir crazy........good luck....grate poem....keep writing when you live you begin to die |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
THIS IS A GREAT POEM.keep it uppp......nothing needs to be improve but your love to him lolol...welll gr88 poem and keep it upp ::^love^:: |
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