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Metalhead4lyfe
New Member

since 2004-01-14

Posts 2

0 posted 2004-01-16 04:12 PM

For Every..

For every time our eyes meet,
Always thinking of you, it's bliss
You keep me up..thinking of you's better than sleep
Constantly thinking of your sweet kiss.

For every time you walk by,
And me an you standing tall
We'll take em down or we can say we tried
We'll fight together till the last one falls

For every time we've kissed
There'll be another with time
When your gone, your greatly missed
Forever, you'll be mine

It's kinda short, it was sorta hurried, I wanna get it to her tomorrow, last time we'll be together for a few weeks..I'm on leave right now..What do yall think? And thanks for the card thingymabopper Ringo! :-D

[This message has been edited by Metalhead4lyfe (01-16-2004 04:43 PM).]

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2004-01-16 06:11 PM

sweeeeeet, and no,,,,,not too hurried,,,,urgent messages need be delivered NOW!
a wonderful thing, to lay thinking of your love,,and dance into a dream about them,,,,
be safe in your journeys,,,
and Ringo's thingymebopper cards are pretty cool,
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-01-18 02:42 PM

Awwwwwwwwwwwww......... It was so sweet! I hope who your sending this to knows how lucky she is! ~lol~ I really like this poem, it was short, but sweet!
~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-01-19 01:58 PM

it was ok. if you say that you needed to bust one out then it's not too bad. here's a few suggestions though.

And me an you standing tall
We'll take em down or we can say we tried
We'll fight together till the last one falls

in the "take em down" part, spell out the whole word, this is poetry, so make it look and read nicely. also in the first line up there, you put "an", it should be and, not sure if it was a typo or what. anyway, my thought is that if you're gonna write something for her, take your time. i've spent a ton of time on the one for mine on valentines day. if you can check it out. it's called "a lonely fireside's chill" well, good luck!!
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

4 posted 2004-01-22 02:16 AM

It was pretty good although you may want to look at the structure.

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

5 posted 2004-01-22 07:39 PM

dude you're obsessed with structure.....

anyways yeah. im sort of numb to love poems... i dont write them... so im not here to give advice on how they should be written.

but yeah. im sure whoever gets it will be happy, which is the idea.

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