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Teen Poetry #7

Lost In Translation

thinktwice
Member

since 2003-12-23

Posts 125
United States

0 posted 2004-01-19 04:59 PM

Passify
Give up the wasted life
Intensify
Freely given but takes time
Realize
Compared though always denied
Simplify
Lose the meaning held inside

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-01-19 08:57 PM

umm...it's too short. there wasn't enough development for my liking. it was interesting just to see some of the thoughts you were trying to get across though.
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

thinktwice
Member

since 2003-12-23

Posts 125
United States

2 posted 2004-01-19 10:06 PM

yeah...that's only the first verse. i'm not happy with the next two verses that i've written. so i thought i'de see what people thought of the first one. once i revise the whole thing i'll post it.

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

3 posted 2004-01-22 01:52 AM

it is pretty good, is it supposed to rhyme? Keep it up, I wanna see the finished piece.

muse1012007
New Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 2

4 posted 2004-01-22 08:16 PM

I liked it alot, it was very together. I can't wait to see it finished.

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