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Teen Poetry #7
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Slipping
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Slipping |
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IndigoEve Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 279Etched in the illusion of time 
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you held my breath against the snow and I felt my soul slipping easily from a weeping rose petal remedy into the clutches of silver winter. i remained watchful of summer's edge praying for greener days, sin bled me blue frostbitten dawns for keeping in time, thus did the season of sorrow prevail. don't turn from sunset's persuading she meant no harm for you nor i, watching twilight seep into valley's cracks like molten gold, just as i remembered how to breathe. If I were to touch you, would you bleed a velvet river, running miracles through the sodden ground? --Moi [This message has been edited by IndigoEve (12-07-2003 12:58 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Imbued - All Rights Reserved | |||
*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
soft...and very pretty, loved the imagery and just got an all around good feel from the poem. Nicely done. ~Live and Laugh~ Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
I see your critique says your 15, ya know you also ask for people to be gentle, and thats all they can be when at 15 your express imagery so greatly. You've gotten a tallent in you, if I could just give you one pointer, try to find a rhyme scheme in a poem of yours and see if you like that. Try other formats, and types of poetry. Leave your mind open and free let the words flow even if it doesnt rhyme. |
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