In the distance - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

0 posted 2003-12-02 05:58 PM

I posted this in teen poetry 6, but I thought I'd post it again.

The warmth of your gentle light
You send from so far away
Although I sit and enjoy your tender touch
I wish I could reach up
And touch you in the very same way.

When you are mad, the breeze does blow
I feel so cold and lost.
When you are sad, I catch your tears
And wonder if you would do the same for me.

I have never really seen your eyes
Although I have looked your way
They always seem so hidden
And mine always go astray.

I always wished that I could fly
Off into the gorgeous sunset
Now that feeling is much more strong
Since I now see you in the distance.

I realize now wings are earned
But I have never doubted myself
I will save my strength to fly your way
Off into the distance.

~*~Karen~*~

~All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them~Walt Disney

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

1 posted 2003-12-02 06:20 PM

Very Very Nice poem. Calm and Collective.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

2 posted 2003-12-02 08:58 PM

Wow. I liked this. Especially these two lines " I have never really seen your eyes
Although I have looked your way" That was nice. Well done.

Tell me, how does it feel, to treat me like you do?~Orgy

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

3 posted 2003-12-03 11:22 PM

Third stanza is deffintly my favorite and the overall effects of the poem are of a kind of calm serenity nicely done there. I will say though, that you seemed to wander a bit as far as flow in some of your stanza I might tighten that up a bit but other than that wonderful.
~Live and Laugh~

Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less
~Bella~

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

4 posted 2003-12-04 05:11 PM

Thanks for your replies, I know I went a bit off with flow but in the 2nd stanza I couldn't think of anything that would end it off how I wanted it too. Any suggestions are welcomed

~*~Karen~*~

~All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them~Walt Disney

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.