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Teen Poetry #7
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Looking In
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Looking In |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
tall domed buildings,arcing in the sky red topped housing,tan white sides old center of the city still alive bustling with people, day or night tourists wandering , getting lost , and buying souvineirs fake golden charms,glass beads priced up,make them stare locals laugh as tourists buy all they can see making foolsof themselves,locals let them be hotels line the river, trees line the main street gypsies come showing wares,working parets rest their feet little kids play in alleys,by their home stoop teenagers haunt the stores,seeing whats new behind this city,green hills abound scattered with trees,a few houses are found' looking in , the city has multitudes new things to try,whether fashions or foods deep in the city normal ife goes on church bells will ring,old men will yawn in the chapels priests preaching about sins looking in , as a whole , its Florence maybe,I will go see somewhere else,someday looking in , now i want to stay in Firenze |
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| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi rhia!~ I haven't seen you posting in the teen section of piptalk so welcome back, again  This poem was interesting for me to read. The looking in part describes it exactly, it's like I'm looking into another city's world. Seeing it through the words of a poem, imagining the things you described. It's an amazing job you did with this; the description of everyday things was what was most amazing to me... I thought that the ending was kind of so-so though, no offence. It just seemed kind of weak compared to the rest of the poem. I felt like it needed a stronger ending but that could just be me... The part where you talked about the children playing in alleys was my favorite. It's something familiar, yet, it's different, in a different place, different people... I loved that part... Thanks for sharing, I hope to read more soon "I pray thee, O God, that I |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
I love this poem. I don't really know why But it caught my eye. That rhymes. Sorry i'm kindda in a goofy mode right now. I hope to see more from you in the future. |
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