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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-08-04 12:43 PM

all those nights you came to me
a chance for us you longed to see
but all those things have disappeared
and losing you was what i feared

but the night fell
and the sun did rise
and saying i wanted you
was just a lie

i watched your tears
as you dried mine
for my heart to mend
was a matter of time

to let you go was hard enough
but holding on would hurt too much
so what i did was for the best
to give our love and hearts a rest

you want me back
but i can't do that anymore
because it was long ago
that my love for you tore

now how do i tell you
that i don't want us to be?
so i ask you this
please take your heart from me

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-08-05 01:24 AM

"to let you go was hard enough
but holding on would hurt too much
so what i did was for the best
to give our love and hearts a rest"

My favorite part^^ It's a stanza full of a lot of emotions. I like how it displays selfless love or I think it does. It's a very beautiful part of the poem.

Overall I liked the flow in this but some of it didn't seem to fit to me, like it strayed from the "originol" flow, this part for example;

"you want me back
but i can't do that anymore
because it was long ago
that my love for you tore"

to me it doesn't hold the same qualities of rythm as the other stanzas. I know, this could just be me, I'm probably wrong too, but I thought I'd point that out...

This was a pleasure to read and thanks a bunch for sharing

@-->---

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-08-05 12:06 PM

thank you so much stargal!

you are right, that is the stanza i kept wanting to change, but i couldn't think of anything to do, so i kept it . that always seems to happen!

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

3 posted 2006-08-05 06:30 PM

B-E-A-UTIFUL!!

Great job with this one. I really enjoyed it.

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

4 posted 2006-08-05 07:21 PM

thank you verrry much heather=)

Sweetie01
Junior Member

since 2006-05-15

Posts 28
NJ, USA

5 posted 2006-08-07 12:17 PM

Very Good...This was one of my favorites by you. Thanks for sharing!
~Amanda

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