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Teen Poetry #7

Young Love

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

0 posted 2006-08-01 08:16 PM

" I made this one for you!," The guy proudly said. Thrust in my hand an origami flower not yet bloom. I ask myself, "is this too soon?" Then I ask the Big Man up above, and then I say," Hey it's just young love!"

Short I know but tell me what you think about it.

beautyincalvary
Member

since 2006-07-13

Posts 98

1 posted 2006-08-02 12:27 PM

It would be a sweet poem if you would put it in a form easier to read, and alter the last lines to fit with the rest of the poem better.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-08-02 02:04 AM

I kind of agree on what's been said before, it's not so much that it's hard to read, for me, but the ending line(s). It's kind of confusing to read that. It doesn't seem to fit for "you" to be saying, "hey it's just young love", but that's just my opinion. I'm sure there are others on pip who are much wiser that will be able to give you better advice...

Thanks for sharing though! I thought it was a cute/sweet poem

@-->---

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

3 posted 2006-08-06 12:20 PM

sorry I just... well no I'm not sorry b/c this poem wasn't about me. It was about a friend that one of her friends was asking her out, by handing a origami flower and he was just a little younger then her so I just put it in there b/c it was just young love... sorry for the mix up.

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