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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-08-02 01:18 PM

on london bridge
you were there with me
we were having such a good time
then it hit me

a piece of it falling
fell into the water
i saw you escaping
with your life, you didn't barter

you kept running
leaving me behind
the last thing i saw
was me myself awakening

oh, it was just a dream.
a dream that came true
i saw it exactly once
my own De ja Vu

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member

since 2006-03-13

Posts 43
Sandy, Utah

1 posted 2006-08-02 01:42 PM

very deep. very interesting and intriguing. (is that spelled right?) i really liked the part about 'your own De Ja Vu' very original.

JOhn O.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-08-02 01:47 PM

thank you for the reply. I think its spelled right, im not much of a speller=) sorry.

-missy

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-08-03 12:59 PM

Wow! Unexpected ending, but it was intersting. In fact I didn't really know where this poem was going but when I read the ending stanza I was amazed at how well it all fit together.

The only thing is that I think the flow is a little off in some parts, especially the London bridge line. That could just be me, I don't know, but that's my honest opinion...

As you might've guessed, my favorite part would be the ending line. It was a brilliant suprise. I loved it!

Thanks for sharing

@-->---

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

4 posted 2006-08-04 12:41 PM

thank you stargal, i know what you mean, this doesn't have exactly a great flow..but anyway, thanks.

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2006-08-09 09:43 PM

i thought this was good.
i agree with the de ja vu thing it was original. and i think you spelled it right.
Krysti*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

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