guilt me out of joy - pipTalk Forums

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John O'Driscoll
Junior Member

since 2006-03-13

Posts 43
Sandy, Utah

0 posted 2006-08-01 06:34 PM

Why do you say its over?
When we both know its not
I know I’m not charming.
I know I’m not hot.

I loved you so much
But you sent me away
I tried to be friends
But got hurt everyday.

I met someone else
How was that wrong?
T’was you who made
This sad journey so long

And now that Im out
And moving on with my life
You seem damned determined
To fill me with strife.

And at last, I feel happy
Its exciting, It’s new
And Im trying my best
To get over you.

Why cant you just feel
As good as I do?
I found someone for me.
Is that good enough for you?

Be happy
Be decent
Allow me to live
I didn’t do anything
That you need forgive.

So stop making me
Feel miserable for naught
And stop trying to guilt me
Out of what I’ve got

So don’t hate me
For choosing not to believe.
Because I only left
When you told me to leave.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member

since 2006-03-13

Posts 43
Sandy, Utah

1 posted 2006-08-01 06:36 PM

I really dont like this poem but i wrote it for a girl that i got in a fight with the other night. but i dont like it very much so any advice you might have please tell me.

John O.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-08-02 01:33 AM

"Be happy
Be decent
Allow me to live
I didn’t do anything
That you need forgive.

So stop making me
Feel miserable for naught
And stop trying to guilt me
Out of what I’ve got

So don’t hate me
For choosing not to believe.
Because I only left
When you told me to leave"

My favorite part^^
I'm not sure why you do not like this poem, cause I like it a lot. It is something that I can relate really, really, well too!

Plus the flow was awesome in this, it kind of just rolled off your tongue when you read this, it was amazing to read.

Thanks for sharing!

@-->---

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member

since 2006-03-13

Posts 43
Sandy, Utah

3 posted 2006-08-02 03:16 AM

Thanks! this girl i know read 'avoiding the light' and she said it really affected her. but we got in a huge fight so i wrote this for her. i wasnt going to post it but i figured what the heck

anyways, thanks for commenting

love always

John O.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

4 posted 2006-08-06 01:32 PM

i loved all of that. i will mention later more wut i think cant get over how good that was!!

broken_smile1469
Member

since 2006-07-02

Posts 104

5 posted 2006-08-06 10:06 PM

great poem

"in a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop"

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2006-08-09 09:23 PM

YOU DONT LIKE THIS POEM i loved it it was soooooooo good heehee i cant belive you didn't like it.......i'm glad you posted it.
Krysti*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

7 posted 2006-08-09 09:27 PM

umm must have bad taste in your own poetry if you dont like this!!!!!!
I ADORE IT!!!
amazing! the flow was great the wording was great- just everything! awesome job!

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member

since 2006-03-13

Posts 43
Sandy, Utah

8 posted 2006-08-10 03:15 AM

i dunno while i was writing it, the words just didnt come. while i was writing it, it seemed really forced. i dont know, im glad you like it though.

love always

John O.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

kit kat
New Member

since 2006-08-09

Posts 2
arizona usa

9 posted 2006-08-10 02:10 PM

wow that really makes me think!! the sad thing is, i've felt like that and made people feel like that! i hate both. BUT THAT IS A GREAT POEM!!!!!!!!!!!

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

10 posted 2006-08-11 08:46 PM

I loved you so much
But you sent me away
I tried to be friends
But got hurt everyday.
and
So don’t hate me
For choosing not to believe.
Because I only left
When you told me to leave"

I like these two parts. i can relate mostly to what you said in your poem. But I mostly relate to these two verse.
thanks for sharing and hope to see more fom you later on

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

11 posted 2006-08-16 11:40 PM

Hey John,

I actually really liked this, along with every one above me. However, there were a couple of spots that I found awkward. I thought you were mixing some old English with a modern poem, and it didn't sit well with me. In the first stanza, for instance, you say "I know I'm not hot," but then you use words like "'Twas" and "naught". It seemed a little like, as you said, you were forcing the ryhme with whatever word fit, and I thought it sounded strange. Sorry to like, go against the crowd...I did like the poem, actually, a lot, but I wanted to point this out for your future writes. I think you have some real talent though, especially for getting across your emotions in a succintly clear manner. Hope to read more from you soon!

<3ker

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

mgoodman1989
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 93
Iowa, USA

12 posted 2006-08-19 02:08 PM

This is one of my favorite by you John! lol I can relate I guess in a way. Anyways, Good Work! Keep it up!

Love much,

Michelle

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