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Teen Poetry #7
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Insanity's Lull
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Insanity's Lull |
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The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan 
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Insanity's Lull Keeping my sanity when all I hear is lies backed with an air of stuffy,arrogant glares surronded by shame and unkept hatred Firing up all cylinders that keep me on edge I lose part of myself to the monster inside so green with envy yet flushed in faint red Scared of the future because of the past drowning in self-pity wallowing in dispair all because of classless snide,foolish remarks Double teamed by reality and a pychie too bruised not acknowledging the truth but falling into their trap sinking into the ditch of my demented insanity I'm taking my own chances to find truth between the lies. Its kinda like just what it is. http://www.myspace.com/theshedevil05 [This message has been edited by The Shadow in Blue (08-01-2006 12:40 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Jill Slamka - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Jill, Wow…I liked this poem; I liked it a lot in fact, better than the last one I read by you, no offence. It just seemed like something I could relate more too and I usually like things I can relate to better… Although, I did feel like the flow in the first and last stanza are a bit stiff some of the words seemed to make it stumble a little and become tongue twisted, if that makes any sense to you? "Firing up all cylinders that keep me on edge I lose part of myself to the monster inside so green with envy yet flushed in faint red " This part was my favorite! The comparison of cylinders and monsters were awesome. I especially liked the cylinders part, it was so unexpected in this, I don't usually see car parts as an example in poetry... At least not what I read in the teen forum!  Great job with this poem and thanks a bunch for sharing  @-->--- |
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