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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-07-29 05:56 PM

almost one week has gone by
im still trying to forget your face
trying to forget every trace
it was you and i
Another week gone by

i should have known
not to play this game
i should have tried to stop that flame
when it was you and i
Another week gone by

of all the things you gave to me
of all the things i wanted to say
nothing is the same its gone away
its not you and i
Another week gone by

it was mostly me lost in your eyes
i wish i hadn't let you see the tears i cried
i almost wish i could run and hide
i want to forget you and i
Another week gone by

weeks gone and im still pretending that im fine
im holding back whats on my mind
seems like i've lost a million hours,
and yet, still i wonder why
cant it just be you and i?!?

many weeks gone by
--------------------------------------------
(ok, i know this is really all over the place, nothing is exactly flowy...and it kinda stinks, but i wanted to see if y'all had any ideas)

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-07-29 11:46 PM

It could be adjusted a little to make it flow and maybe make a little bit more sense. But I loved this bc I can totally relate. I'm almost going through something like this. It's very similar. So great job..

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-08-01 02:05 PM

Hey Marisa,

Nice to see another poem by you! I don’t seem to see enough poems from the writers a I like a lot… all well…

Well, I have to agree with Heather on this being slightly confusing in parts. I also think you could change that with the adding/removing of words or some rearranging. It’s nothing big, I can still understand what you are trying to say, yet, it looks confusing, and reads kind of confusingly? No offence…

"i should have known
not to play this game
i should have tried to stop that flame
when it was you and i
another week gone by"

I liked this part, once again because it talks about a "flame", I instantly think fire and I fall in love with the stanza! lol

Thanks for sharing, it was an awesome poem

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