»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
not enough time
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
not enough time |
|
|
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
this was really weird and a fantasy in a bad way. i certainly dont have a desease like this, so its not a personal expeirence. but i like the pome personally. *its not to long ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This disease is killing me inside No longer do I have a place to hide I can run but there is nowhere I can go Escape the fact that death is near, I know It weakens me from my core to my skin Turning me around back where I’ve been My day’s flash by, I drift to aimless sleep Knowing the end is near, I just want to weep Not nearly enough time, to live a normal life Beating this illness that has been my main fight I never grew up a regular girl, going to prom, having fun Not even out of high school yet already my life is now done I wish I could scream and say it’s not fair Cry my heart out, about all my despairs I no longer have the strength for that little tantrum Its deep inside of me feel, outside I am just so numb I close my eyes one last time And I am ready for my last fight Not over winning, just for my own way of goodbye So my loved ones knew I still fought, even as they cry |
||
| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
wow that was powerful well....it's gud yooh don't have a disease like that but i feel sry for the people that do and can' t do anything about it....good write *hunnie* A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your |
||
|
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Rhia, I liked this one a lot! I suppose it's because I can relate to this poem in some ways... Yes, I'm glad you are not ill either, but, I also, can't help but feel sad for those that are. "I wish I could scream and say it’s not fair Cry my heart out, about all my despairs I no longer have the strength for that little tantrum Its deep inside of me feel, outside I am just so numb" I liked this part most. The first two lines are amazing! I feel like doing that all the time. It's funny how you can relate so well to the stuff posted here on pip... The only thing I thought was kind of soso was the flow. The last stanza especially, no offence. I like the stanza, like how it ends, but I feel like it's really stiff in parts. I'm not sure how to explain it other than that... Anyway, that's just my opinion, I'm probably wrong. Thanks a bunch for sharing  @-->--- |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
