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Teen Poetry #7

I die a Little

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

0 posted 2006-07-22 10:01 PM

To Die A Little

I lie awake
time between my fingers
I've lost count
the flickers of my eyes
as silence sealed
my illusions.
you did not come.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-07-22 11:57 PM

"time between my fingers"

I liked this line a lot! It brings up great imagery, something different, but neat to see...

This poem was awesome! It isn't very long and yet it says all it needs to say, I liked how you were able to be precise, nothing that isn't needed is in this. I wish I could do that...

Thanks for sharing

@-->---

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

2 posted 2006-07-23 01:10 PM

Thanks again, I actually love this poem. Thank you for all your comments stargirl.

synthetic
Member

since 2006-06-10

Posts 70
ontario, canada

3 posted 2006-07-23 09:26 PM

Simply put, this was a very nice piece.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2006-07-23 11:21 PM

"you did not come."

wow.. such a sudden stop and end right there.. it was perfect. YOu said sooo much in such a little piece. GREAT job.. I'm looking forward to more..

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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