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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-07-16 06:41 PM

When your all alone
Cold as stone
In the dead of night
And you don't feel right
And you say to yourself
How did we come to this end
And you cry to yourself
I wish all the fights would mend

And I've been wanting, wishing, aching
For my life to stop breaking
But what did you intend
All the hate, the words, the fights cant just suddently mend

Now I relise
All this pain is mine
And its not so subtle
Its not so tame
And you know deep down
That you wont ever be the same

I wish it would stop
And I've been wishing it alot
Its like my life just cant get a grip
Every time I try
I just seem to slip

I never thought of this when I began
But now I'm here
Stuck with this end
On the inside I cant decide
Weather it was worth it
Or was it a lie

I wish there was a way
But im destined to drown in regret
I cant escape, I cant forget

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

1 posted 2006-07-16 06:47 PM

I just wanted to let you people know that I really enjoy letting you read my poetry even though its not that good.
~Tempest~

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-07-17 12:46 PM

Hey Tempest,

I loved this poem by you, I think that it is one of my top ten favorites you have written!

I thought it was interesting how you wrote this in, well, I think you did, in two perspectives, the first stanza shows one and the rest shows another. The transition was a little hard to grasp at first but as I reread this it all made sense. You did a great job on that.

The only thing I had some so-so thoughts was on the rhythm, it was probably just me, but I had a hard time finding it. Yet, when I did I kept going off and I'd have to start all over again... No offence, I think it might've been me.

Great job though, I can't wait to read more

@-->---

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

3 posted 2006-07-19 04:07 AM

first of all...dont beat yourself up! your poetry is very very good! i am totally glad that you share it! Secondly, GREAT write, i thought the second stanza was a little iffy on the rhythym (i hope thats how you spell rhythym lol) but anyways, i dunno it mighta just been me, i am crazy like that sometimes! but all in all outstanding job! and yes please continue to share!
-later

Viola

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

4 posted 2006-07-20 08:26 PM

I liked this poem from you. It was very very very...GOOD!
The only thing I didn't like was in the beginning. You kept saying "And." I'm not a grammer freak. But I just get annoyed from it. Or I just ignore the "AND"'s. Other than that... I thought your poem was great.

~I'm trapped in this thing called life~

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