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pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

0 posted 2006-07-15 05:27 PM

I wrote this poem about a girl who I really liked

but knew that I could never have.

You are the one
That lights up my day,
The one who is beautiful
In every way

You are the one,
That appears in my dreams,
The one who I think of,
Every night it seems.

You are the one,
Who warms me up inside,
The one I wish I had,
Every day by my side.

You are the one,
With words I can't describe,
The one who makes me see,
A reason to survive.

You are the one,
With me you will never be,
The one I love the most,
But whos love you'll never see.

M e m o r i e s
Junior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 14
Alaska, USA

1 posted 2006-07-15 07:42 PM

This makes me sssooo sad because it's just something everyone goes through.

You pulled off the rhyming thing really well (unlike me, who couldn't rhyme to save her life... unless "cat" and "hat" count). I love the last stanza. It just brings everything together so nicely!

Great poem!

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

2 posted 2006-07-15 08:34 PM

GREAT job....i liked this poem because im sure most people can relate to it! i know what its like to want someone that i couldnt or would never have...this guy...ugh...wow...long story! boys are dumb some times...no offense!
well thanks for sharing
great write and hope to see more soon

Viola

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-07-15 10:11 PM

Hey pip_man,

Welcome to piptalk, I hope you like the site as much as I know I have!

Great first post, I loved the flow, subject, and form. It was very nicely done... I also liked the last stanza and how it tied the whole poem together without seeming choppy or unfitting. It was an awesome job on your part!

Thanks for sharing

@-->---

pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

4 posted 2006-07-16 09:09 AM

Thank you for all the great comments! I am a little shy to show my work, but it helps to have people say good things.

nikiah87
New Member

since 2006-06-22

Posts 8
Indiana

5 posted 2006-07-18 05:28 PM

This is a really great poem. I really enjoyed reading it. You did a great job. Keep up the good work.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

6 posted 2006-07-18 05:37 PM

wow, that was really a great poem. It flowed really well. I defiantly think this is a great first post at pip! i hope to read more of your poetry soon.

enjoy pip!
-missy

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

7 posted 2006-07-21 11:12 AM

awwww i know the feeling of caring about someone so much but yet you can't have them. great write!

hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and men!
"and we'll all float on ok....." - modest mouse
aim - reklesabandnrckr
groove on sista!

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