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Teen Poetry #7
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For Kayla and Cheyenne
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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For Kayla and Cheyenne |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
Keep a tough composure thats all you really can do Lost emotions embrace the mixed feelings that you view The road may seem dark very dreary in fact But just be strong and push through the black You are so young so don't give up yet Light will find a way you'll just have to wait Please just stay happy keep a smile on your face And keep growing knowing I love you the whole way through Where'd ya go, I miss ya so, seems like its been forever since you've been gone. ~Fort Minor~ |
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| © Copyright 2006 Amber Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Mmm… I liked this poem but I felt like it needs a little bit more of a “story” to it. The reason I say this is because without the title we wouldn’t really know this was for someone, or even what this is really about. Even from the title we still don’t know if this is about your friends, siblings, children, etc? You give some wise advice in this about not giving up… I think with a little bit of work this could become an “out of this world” amazing poem! You have the emotions just some of the stuff needs a little work… Anyway, I hope I didn’t offend you with my blunt statements. I can’t wait to see more of your work though out of what I’ve seen so far (one poem) I’d say you are going to be one of my favorite poets  @-->--- |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
thanks stargal...ya i understand. um i have another poem i put up and then i have sum that i posted a LONG time ago but i have matured alot since then...but this is about my 2 little cousin that i would die for if i had to ..literally..there goin through a very hard time...there parents split and her mum got remarried.. alot is goin on in the older ones head shes only 13 and doesnt understand alot..so all i can do is love them and b there for them..and i let it out into a poem..but thanks i like it that u r blunt!!  Where'd ya go, I miss ya so, seems like its been forever since you've been gone. |
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Poetic Concept Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66God's Fingerprint |
This is good I think that this poem could relate to alot of people not just u...that is what I like about poems...I think that the last two stanzas should keep the same flow the first few had just to add some consistency to the piece...good job...elevation is the key Return the favor on: Dreams of A Vet "How vain it is to sit down and write when u have not stood up to live" |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Stargal is right, you should add a little story to it. It doesn't rhyme but still flows well. Especialy the last few lines. Good job. I want to read more of your work. Jessica |
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