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Teen Poetry #7
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spaz02
Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74
USA

0 posted 2006-06-25 09:43 AM


Keep a tough composure
thats all you really can do
Lost emotions embrace
the mixed feelings that you view

The road may seem dark
very dreary in fact
But just be strong
and push through the black

You are so young
so don't give up yet
Light will find a way
you'll just have to wait

Please just stay happy
keep a smile on your face
And keep growing knowing
I love you the whole way through


Where'd ya go, I miss ya so, seems like its been forever since you've been gone.
~Fort Minor~

© Copyright 2006 Amber Rose - All Rights Reserved
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
1 posted 2006-06-25 01:22 PM


Mmm… I liked this poem but I felt like it needs a little bit more of a “story” to it. The reason I say this is because without the title we wouldn’t really know this was for someone, or even what this is really about. Even from the title we still don’t know if this is about your friends, siblings, children, etc?

You give some wise advice in this about not giving up… I think with a little bit of work this could become an “out of this world” amazing poem! You have the emotions just some of the stuff needs a little work…

Anyway, I hope I didn’t offend you with my blunt statements. I can’t wait to see more of your work though out of what I’ve seen so far (one poem) I’d say you are going to be one of my favorite poets

@-->---

spaz02
Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74
USA
2 posted 2006-06-25 01:28 PM


thanks stargal...ya i understand. um i have another poem i put up and then i have sum that i posted a LONG time ago but i have matured alot since then...but this is about my 2 little cousin that i would die for if i had to ..literally..there goin through a very hard time...there parents split and her mum got remarried.. alot is goin on in the older ones head shes only 13 and doesnt understand alot..so all i can do is love them and b there for them..and i let it out into a poem..but thanks i like it that u r blunt!!

Where'd ya go, I miss ya so, seems like its been forever since you've been gone.
~Fort Minor~

Poetic Concept
Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66
God's Fingerprint
3 posted 2006-06-25 04:11 PM


This is good I think that this poem could relate to alot of people not just u...that is what I like about poems...I think that the last two stanzas should keep the same flow the first few had just to add some consistency to the piece...good job...elevation is the key

Return the favor on: Dreams of A Vet

"How vain it is to sit down and write when u have not stood up to live"
                     Anonymous (Unknown)

latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
4 posted 2006-06-25 10:39 PM


Stargal is right, you should add a little story to it. It doesn't rhyme but still flows well. Especialy the last few lines. Good job. I want to read more of your work.

                  Jessica    
            
    

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