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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2006-06-22 11:49 PM

Theres an unspeakable feeling on the tip of my toung,
like the feel of summer when we were all so young.

Remember that feeling when you hear the perfect song,
or the feeling that life was amazing and could do no wrong.

Remember the feeling upon seeing the sunset,
and disappearing into thoughts you'll never forget.

It's a beautiful thought that's anything but tangible,
but life without it's moments would be unimaginable.

I miss that beauty, I miss the love that was there,
ever since I lost you, it's all disappeared.

The beauty of the songs, the beauty of the sunset,
make me remember all the times I regret.

I was lost in the moment, and lost in your eyes,
I'd never considered how they'd later make me cry.

The old memories fade but some never leave your mind,
some things are too fragile and too beautiful to ever leave behind.

They all got lost in the essence the minute I lost you,
Now everythings faded and it's blurred the view.

The sunsets are black and white, the song without sound,
the beauty of life has left now that you're not around.

Yeah it's all faded.
It's all faded.

---------------------------------------------------
Yeah I just wrote this on a whim while listening to some music. I guess it could be a song. I know the last part is random, doesn't rhyme or anything but I thought that to me it made sense. lol so let me know what could be improved.

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-06-23 01:13 AM

I really really really enjoyed this. It was very creative and I liked your choice of words and the similies you used. Great job.

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-06-26 01:46 AM

wow i can't belive nobody else has replied to this i really enjoyed reading it and it had nice rhyming and flow to it...... i can't wait to read more from you
*hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

Poetic Concept
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 66
God's Fingerprint

3 posted 2006-06-26 02:41 AM

The last lines?

Anyways I think this is a good vent poem most of the bars could be okay quotables I liked the fact that most of your emotions can run as free as u do, I am working on this piece and it is taking me forever I just cant figure the right things to say, its crazy I dont see how u do it. Though u say u were listening to the radio and making this, maybe some unconscious ideas about a relationship were in there lingering maybe u should try to figure your inspiration because every poem as an inspiration, everyone...good job...keep writing...elevation is the key

Return the Favor on Dreams of A Vet

"How vain it is to sit down and write when u have not stood up to live"
Anonymous (Unknown)

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-06-26 09:06 AM

Umm.. I think it would make a better song than poem? no offence, cause to me it has the "song" like kind of flow... Of course what do i know about that? nothing!

I liked this though, the first few lines were awesome. The last lines? I loved that too, it was different. This poem was something I could and still can relate too.

Anyway, I can't wait to see what you come up with next and I hope you'll continue posting

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