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Teen Poetry #7
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I don't need you anymore
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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I don't need you anymore |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Without you I’m just fine No more tears No more pain No more feelin’ just okay Look how I’ve changed(that’s for sure). I’m moving on But not alone Cause there’s another In your place You say you can’t see him But he’s there He’s holding my hand Helping me through Those wicked times I’ve come this far There’s no denyin’ It wasn’t easy But I’ll be alright But I can’t make it on my own There’s no way I’m going on alone Now that HE is by my side I’m ready to enjoy my life We’ll climb the mountains While holding hands We’ll see the ocean And walk upon the sands There’s not much time I’ve got to go So goodbye I’m no longer all alone My friend is here… Hello God, Are you ready to climb? @-->--- [This message has been edited by stargal (03-11-2006 01:32 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 stargal - All Rights Reserved | |||
latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
great. the ending is explaining. at fisst it seems like your talking about a boy friend or just a friend. then you say "Hello God, Are you ready to climb?" yeah thats cool. nice work.  Jessica |
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helenadepp Member
since 2006-01-16
Posts 59durham, england |
I agree with jessica. The way you wrote the whole poem without letting us know who you were on about was really quirky! I really enjoyed it..one for the library.  |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Very nice write. I really enjoy your poems. ~Alli~ |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Thats an awesome poem with some good advise in it. It seems so easy with Him being you best friend. Very good one, made me smile. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
loved this  |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
this is really nice=) i enjoyed it.. beautiful. ~missy |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
stargal...this poem...wow...omg..idk what to say. I'm amazed. I think this is an AWESOME poem..if i knew how to look at my library then i would add this to it. im..just blown away by this. ITS SOOO GOOD! i'm so just..im in awe. i love it so much. U AMAZE ME. this message...its so hard to express how strongly i feel about this amazing poem...GREAT JOB. |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
sorry i had to comment again on how i love this soooo much.... |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
lol much appreciated  @-->--- |
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poise_and_rationality Junior Member
since 2006-05-06
Posts 46my mind |
wow  i really like the bit god are you ready to climb? i think you have an excellent talent in both writing and giving advice in to other poets on how to improve! well done on this poem  par xx Give me attention |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
i still love it!!! |
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stuck_in_a_dreaM New Member
since 2006-06-07
Posts 8 |
i liked this alot. good. |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
This was also really good! Great, actually. I don't think I've read a poem of yours that I didn't like. Keep it up. Rerra L. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey everyone, Thank you so much for all your comments, I really appreciated them @-->--- |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
Even though god isn't high on my list of favorites (not to say that i worship the devil or anything) this piece was very well...interesting to me. Very well writin though with alot of good points on the fact that you can be stronger than you appeared because you have god beside you. |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
God is VERY high in my favorites! in fact he's number one. yet again stargal, this is my favorite poem of allllll time!! |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Great job stargal.. one of my favorite by you..  ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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Frank W. Torres Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 133 |
Very Nice. Somehow I just knew that you were talking about God. |
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girlskater117 Junior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 32 |
Well i like this poem alot and it's really good. I would say it's better then mine. Your frind Amber |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey everyone, Once again thanks for posting I’m glad you all liked it, although, personally I don’t really understand why everyone thinks this poem is so great? I kind of think it’s one of my worst… anyway, thanks all @-->--- |
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girlskater117 Junior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 32 |
It's not so don't put youself down. Well i hope u like my new poems. I injoy reading all of your poems.I hope there is more to come. Amber |
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John O'Driscoll Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 43Sandy, Utah |
Hey! I think im going to just repeat what you told me THE LAST TWO LINES WERE AMAZING! They really gave a completely different feel to the poem, because through the first part, i know I was thinking "man i wish i had someone like that." but those last lines make people realize that they DO have someone like that, and he's always going to be there. Very good. VERY inspirational. Love always! jOhN True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it |
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John O'Driscoll Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 43Sandy, Utah |
Im afraid i must apologize! i got a little mixed up. I was thinking that you had commented with "the last two lines were amazing" on a poem that i had written. You did comment on it, but thats not what you wrote. Sorry. Still loved it though! And what i said is still true, the last two lines were amazing! Love Always JOHN O. True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
OH MY GOODNESS!! I am in love with this poem it is so in the right spot! Where'd ya go, I miss ya so, seems like its been forever since you've been gone. |
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Poetic Concept Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66God's Fingerprint |
I am not a huge fan on spiritual concepts outside of church, but I did enjoy this...The thing is with this though is how cliche it is...the concept of I dont need u I have god is used so often in every type of writing that it is becomes boring. I think u should expand your work what I mean by that is show your readers a different view point something they are not used to seeing, maybe u can get better responses or varying responses not all postive remarks because that doesnt help any poet grow...good job...elevation is the key. Return the favor on: Dreams of a Vet |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Spiritual concepts outside of church? humm... Well, I believe that you need those even without being "inside" the church. In fact, I believe you need those "spiritual concepts" even more when you are NOT in the church... Yet, that's just my opinion. Thanks for the replies everyone! I will also think about trying something not so cliche @-->--- |
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