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Teen Poetry #7
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tears hurt the most
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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tears hurt the most |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain 
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Time glistens within eyes. Though Camera breaks. Shards of glass litter floorboards. Leaves behind trails of heartache. Love flickers candle flames. Though scissors cut. Flecks of paper remain on counter. Paper heart torn caught fire. Mind presents card tricks. Though non Vegas standard. Radio playing same old songs. Lyrics change with wind speed. Heart remains pay phone. Though times loses change. Reciever hanging from line. Never connecting. Time glistens within eyes. Recharge love's dying flame. Deal me in another set. Scatter change on pavement. Connect the line which dangles. My heart waiting for your own. Nickles slipping between metal. Tears are what hurt the most. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Marisa F - All Rights Reserved | |||
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The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
hmmm...I liked this particular write, but not to sound too critical (and I really shouldn't be saying this 'cause I do it too), but sometimes I don't get the verb tenses you are using. For example in the first word in last line in the first stanza "Time glistens within eyes. Though Camera breaks. Shards of glass litter floorboards. Leaves behind trails of heartache." But I really did enjoy the theme and word choice you used. ^_^ Jill |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I do agree about the verb tenses.. they were a little confusing. but I loved this. This was absolutley amazing. I love how this poem relates to me. It is one of those poems that you have to really think about to understand.. challengin in a way. great job.. hope to hear more like this.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
thanks..i did it in a way that i wanted people to think..i think..lol. thanks alot for the critque..i love it.. -missy |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
this was really unique. I liked it alot, even though I'm not sure I understand it all. It's very abstract. Keep it up! |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Yes, I'm not sure that I understand the whole thing completely either. Yet, I like that, because now I can re-read this over and over and still get something, learn something new. I'm sure that you can do that with other poems also, but with this one there is so much more I believe you could never see in it, so you must keep trying... "Love flickers candle flames. Though scissors cut. Flecks of paper remain on counter. Paper heart torn caught fire." I loved this part because of the images I saw in myself when I read it. Things in my past that I could look back on and see that in some ways they relate to this stanza. It was simply amazing the way you worded this poem. I loved the whole thing! I'm afraid that I have no constructive critiques to add to this post... But, I wanted to tell you I thought this was an excellent job by you! One of my favorites in fact. Thanks for sharing, I'd love to see more soon  Anyway, @-->--- |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
This really worked for me. I love to have something i can really think about. Great write. Really unusual but very clever. |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
im glad ya'll enjoyed it, i almost didn't post it because it DOES take alot of thinking to understand it, even for me. because if someone else had wrote it, i think i would've felt differently about what i thought it meant, i think it means different things to people. I'm glad i posted it now, because i like it when people stop and think about my poetry, instead of just reading, but taking it to heart. well, thanks alot. -missy |
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