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Teen Poetry #7
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no more fear
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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no more fear |
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oh_my_goshijustgotexcited Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 52USA, IDAHO |
i awoke after a restless sleep lying here in this broken heap my mind is void of all emotion why not push me into the raging ocean your leaving was so sudden to me but now i can be what i wanna be my mind is moving in slow motion its like you gave me some messed up potion you took all that wasnt rightfully yours you've dotted all the "i's" and closed all the doors what the hell, were you just messin' around? "haha" you really thought i wouldnt make a sound? they came for you just days ago i wish i had the nerve to just tell you "no" SO WHAT..you wanna stay here but everytime i look in the mirror i see you and what you do its over with us YEAH...now look whos tough yeah your gone i aint crying no tears cuz im done living in all of this fear Viola |
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| © Copyright 2006 Viola Francis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, first off let me say this was a great poem. This certainly captured my attention. Now I know my opinion on this might differ a lot from others but I just thought I’d say it, in my belief you don’t need profanity to get your point across in poetry. I know, just one word, and hell isn’t always considered profanity but in the way it was written in your poem, well, you get the picture. I just think that there are always other words you could use and still keep it all ages friendly, you know? No offence, that’s just what I think… Also, I could be wrong on this cause I’m not very good with grammar and stuff, but I think that the first to lines in the poem are different tenses, but I’m not positive, so if you think they are right don’t listen to me. "your leaving was so sudden to me but now i can be what i wanna be my mind is moving in slow motion its like you gave me some messed up potion" This part^^ I loved it. I loved the words you used. The first two lines are what really makes me like this though. Very good job on this. Thanks for sharing  @-->--- |
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oh_my_goshijustgotexcited Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 52USA, IDAHO |
yeah...i guess you are right with the "hell" thing to be honest, the way i was raised i never really considered it profanity, but i should think about that before i post things because people believe different things...thanks for the eye opener! Viola |
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