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oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

0 posted 2006-07-12 07:25 PM

Leave me be
Just wanna be free
Cant you see
Youre killing me

Your burning me up
Oh, just gimme a cup
To drink away the sorrows,
Even the ones of tomorrow

My eyes are aglow
As you start to go
Why so slow?
Why so slow?

Leave me be
Just wanna be free
Cant you see
Youre killing me

Youre finally out the door
Gone forever more
My Heart is truely sore

But not from you leaving
NO...now my chest is heaving
I fear you caused me to much pain
And all for your personal gain

I slip into the blackness
Now i feel no sadness

Its over see
You just killed me

Viola

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-07-12 07:29 PM

sad but good, sounds like it could be a song too.

i liked it. nice write

broken_smile1469
Member

since 2006-07-02

Posts 104

2 posted 2006-07-12 07:53 PM

great poem! it does sound like it could be a song too...? well great job!

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

3 posted 2006-07-12 08:40 PM

hey, yeah..im new as you can see...i have a question...what is the policy on swear words in poems? just wondering
thx guys

Viola

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2006-07-13 09:10 PM

wow that was gud loved it..... i don't know the swearing policy though sry i can't help you there.... but good write

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-07-14 12:46 PM

Hey oh_my_goshijustgotexcited,

I’m not sure what the rules are on swearing either but you can always check the guidelines and if you are still unsure ask a moderator, I’m sure that they would be happy to help you.

I also must say great poem and, yes, even great song if you wanted it to be a song. I think it could be an either or, writers preference.

You, or at least in my thinking, had one or two rough spots on which the rhythm and flow were off. Nothing big, but you might want to read this allowed to yourself a couple times and see what you find.

Great job on this, I really liked it

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