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Teen Poetry #7
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Sad Girl
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Sad Girl |
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Foreverone8783 Junior Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 24Illinios |
Today I am a sad girl Cause you can’t be with me It’s only been a couple days But I miss you so badly Soon I’ll be a lonely girl Because you’re my everything And I never want to live With out the happiness you bring Then I’ll be a depressed girl Because you’ve been gone so long And none of my wishes are coming true For you to be back where you belong A sad, lonely, and depressed girl Is what I will be then Because I can’t see you’re face Until you return to me again Eventually I’ll be a happy girl When you finally return home I’ll have you back in my arms And I’ll no longer be alone But for now I am a sad girl Cause you’re not here with me Until I see you again This is how I will be |
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| © Copyright 2006 Ashley Goodwin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jess Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 243Washington |
The last for lines were the best. To make things flow more easily though,consider saying "I'll" instead of I will. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Umm, in my opinion it’s not one of your bests… I felt like you kind of repeated the same things with different words, but with the meaning being the same? I also agree on the ending being one of the best parts, this poem doesn’t really set on just one emotion, it’s more all of the emotions, hope, sadness, happiness, etc… I’m not sure that I would have written it like that, but I felt like you did a rather good job on it. I hope to see more from you in the near future  @-->--- |
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Foreverone8783 Junior Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 24Illinios |
Yeah its not one of my bests I do agree, but I can't really get in full concetration mode since my fiancee has been gone, we have been so used to spending everyday together, so this poem was basically about me missing him. Advice: don't ever have a military boyfriend, they go away WAY too much! *^*Ashley*^* |
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