You’re just another disease I’ll get over

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aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

0 posted 2006-06-11 05:14 PM

This poem is not the best. it doesn’t rime or flow but it does help me to move on a little. And that’s the point of this poem, to move on with my life and leave Him in the past.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To sad to hold back tears
But to happy to show my fears
I don’t know what to feel
There’s to many emotions have because of you

Mad that you came in to my life
Happy you finely left this town
Sad that we became more then just strangers
Afeard you’ve left my life for good

I’m still surprise that you’re gone
I thought when you told me it would never come true
I had hoped we could finish high school to gather
It’ll be weird next year with out you there

Now no more tears will come to these eyes
No more days spent dreaming over you
No more nights spent crying because of you
Now my heart can heal at last for your not making it crack

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest, and hurts the most

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

1 posted 2006-06-11 07:33 PM

Well??? yeah ok. It was something. Atleast you put your emotions in it.

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

2 posted 2006-06-11 11:15 PM

The emotion you put in was good. The purpose of poetry is to become free from things that are bogging down your mind... whether it rhymes or not shouldnt matter to you as long as it accomplished what you needed it to... that always makes it a good write.

" Everytime he held you close, yea were you thinking of me..." Stab My Back-All American Rejects

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-06-12 01:59 AM

Hey Aliway,

I liked it… I liked the emotions I liked the words I liked the stanzas! Sure, it didn’t rhyme but there is so much poetry out there that doesn’t, just write what you are feeling if it helps you move on from the past… I for one can’t criticize this poem for not rhyming, I do not rhyme all the time either it is no big deal…

In case you didn’t know, I did enjoy this. I hope you will continue writing and posting, and I will be looking forward to reading more of your poems

@-->---

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

4 posted 2006-06-12 07:17 PM

I appreciated all of the comments
-Cherrys_rule thank you I think
-Kaos thank you. You are right if your emotion is there then it is a good poem.
-Stargal thank you so much. And I will post more and hopefully better ones.

Just because he’s not in my life doesn’t mean I can’t find some other things to write about.

*Leah

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

5 posted 2006-06-15 09:25 AM

I really like this poem. I would, however, reccomend going over the spelling errors. You used the wrong "to" in a lot of places.

remember: too as in too much

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