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Teen Poetry #7
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what they say.
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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what they say. |
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is 
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Walking over to you, There’s nothing now that I can do. They say I bring you down, And that you have to leave now. I know you don’t mind me, But they all say you can’t see. I can’t be the one to ruin your life, I can’t just change, and live a lie. I have to go away from you, Even though I really don’t want to. They say im dirt, and I could never be Anything more than just sand in the sea. I wish I could stand up to them, and not care what they say, I know nothings ever stopped me from that before today. But I couldn’t make it past where I am if I did, And I know if I try, they’ll always win. So what’s the point in trying to tower, When they are the ones that have all the power? You can’t see past your sheltered life, But I don’t blame you, they’re way too high. So I’m sorry, I wish it were different, I really do know what this meant, I want to get past them, and they’re disappointing glower. But they don’t like me, they want something better. ~L [This message has been edited by forever*wishing (06-05-2006 08:31 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Becca - All Rights Reserved | |||
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is |
= P sucky. |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
It doesn't suck, it just needs work. But i thought it was pretty good. Maybe b/c i was going throught the same thing a couple of months ago. IDK but yeah, i thought it was pretty good. Someone so fake can be so real to somebody else |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
I didn’t think it was “sucky” either, I liked it. It’s amazing to think that you can believe in someone so much that when you finally see who they really are you in shock or how someone can say something that would effect two different people in terrible ways… Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there are one or two grammar errors in this that you might want to fix and… I loved the part where you said this, “ I have to go away from you, Even though I really don’t want to. They say im dirt, and I could never be Anything more than just sand in the sea.” the sand in the sea part is what makes this one of my favorite stanzas, just because the images I think about when I read this are so real to me, they just seem to fit with the poem. Really good job on this one, I enjoyed it immensely  @-->--- |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
i though like they said, its good now but if you worked on it, i could get better, i really liked the first stanza i though it was a good opening stanza. i really did |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
How can you think this is sucky? I really like it. I can't pick out a specific stanza to quote or that I like the best 'cause it's all good. I know this detail is really minor, but you see your title? I think it should read "What they say". With no period. Bravo |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
I think it's anything but sucky. There were a few problem spots when it came to the wording. For exampe in a couple spots your wording was so elegant and then went straight into some simple wording to assure it would rhyme...and it just didn't fit. however I loved these lines! So what’s the point in trying to tower, When they are the ones that have all the power? Keep it up! myspace username-beautiful_tragidy |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
i defiantly liked it, i could've sworn i replied to this, but i guess i didn't..i really love this. i can SO relate..but i do agree, some really simple words with really..fancy other words. but that was good!!i loved it! -missy |
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