Teen Poetry #7 |
I Wish You Could See |
the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
My mind is confused. I'm standing in the rain. My heart is only used. I hear the thunder, feel the pain. The raindrops cannot compare, to the tears that I cry, The stinging wind can't overcome the way I feel inside My heart cannot hold out long, I can't uncover my fears, I cannot help but hide them, for my future is unclear. I cannot see straight, my mind has clouded my sight. I can't hear you whisper for I'm afraid to put up a fight. I can't say that I love you, for I'm not sure that I do, but everytime we're eye to eye, I realize that I need you. I only wish that I could tell you, but my head and emotions are tied. and even if I wanted to, behind my heart they hide. written 03-01-05 Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
||
© Copyright 2006 Heather Sullivan - All Rights Reserved | |||
poise_and_rationality Junior Member
since 2006-05-06
Posts 46my mind |
well done it's really good sorry i aint been on for a while pc not behaving....i specially like d My mind is confused. I'm standing in the rain. My heart is only used. I hear the thunder, feel the pain. The raindrops cannot compare, to the tears that I cry, i think its one of the best i have read in a while par xx Give me attention |
||
bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
wow! i liked this sooo much!! i dont think that you could change anything. i like it how it is. |
||
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Well, I’m sorry to be the one to give a negative comment but I don’t feel like this one isn't one of your bests. The general idea is kind of muddled for me. Although with stanzas it might help to separate the thoughts and make it look more organized, no offence. I don’t know what I’m talking about… I just kind of feel like the emotions in this are being forced. Now I could be sooo wrong on this, but that’s just my honest opinion. I did like these lines a lot though, “I hear the thunder, feel the pain The raindrops cannot compare, To the tears that I cry” For me that has cool imagery, and I’m partial to thunderstorms Even though this isn't my favorite by you, I still enjoyed it... @-->--- |
||
CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248 |
Heather, I loved this. its Perfect. Don't change a thing k? <3kerR When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better. |
||
the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
thanks everyone.. your feedback is so very appreciated. good or bad ~Heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
||
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I can really , really relate, to those type of feelings. of how i interpeted that. really liked . |
||
⇧ top of page ⇧ | ||
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |