One Special Friend - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #7

One Special Friend

Sweetie01
Junior Member

since 2006-05-15

Posts 28
NJ, USA

0 posted 2006-05-31 07:37 PM

*This is really short & not one of the best. Enjoy!*

What do you do when your all out of luck?
When your life is down which leaves you in a rut?

You want someone to notice
You want someone to care
But all everybody seems to do is stare at you

Its nice to have that one special friend
To count on when you wish your life would end

The're there for you
And your there for them
Thats the way all friendships should bend
~*~Amanda~*~

scyzoryk_o4
Junior Member

since 2006-05-23

Posts 36
Canada and Poland

1 posted 2006-05-31 10:19 PM

Hey, wow, ya that’s really cool. It short but sweet. Definitely get the message across I like the rhyming scheme and the flow is perfect.
Good stuff

Maksym

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

2 posted 2006-05-31 10:33 PM

its short and too the point. and i like it.
i think you could have expanded but i like it how it is.

great job

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-06-04 01:10 AM

Hey Sweetie01,

I really liked this, like the other poster said short, sweet, and it gets the message across! Yet, it doesn't really matter that it is short, although i would like to see you expand it, it's not that important. What matters is that you said what you wanted to say, cause what's the use of pages full of words when their pointless? Nothing at all...

The only thing i would see changed on this would be this part,

"But all everybody seems to do is stare at you "

I don't like the " at you" I think it disrupts the flow. If you just did "but all everybody seems to do is stare" i believe it helps the flow...

Good job on this one, i really enjoyed reading it, i almost envy your best friend, you must mean a lot to him/her.

I hope to see more poems from you in the near future, so sorry not to reply sooner than this

@-->---

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.