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Foreverone8783
Junior Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 24
Illinios

0 posted 2006-06-03 02:50 PM

When I think of you
My heart skips a beat
I've fallen so hard
It'll be hard to defeat

Am I just crazy
Is this just a crush
Or can it be true
Or am I thinking too much

Everywhere I go
Everything I do
All the things that I see
I'm reminded of you

Since I met you
I'm the happiest I've been
My smile won't fade
Can't wait to see you again

*^*Ashley*^*

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

1 posted 2006-06-03 06:55 PM

awww cuuute : )

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-06-03 08:34 PM

ok.. I loved this.. is was simple and cute but it had emotion.. I loved your first and second stanzas.. the only thing.. this stanza..

'Everywhere I go
  Everything I do
  All the things that I see
  I'm reminded of you'

there's nothing wrong with it.. it goes with the poem.. it flows good but I think that if you even out the pace it would flow even better.. a suggestion? .. .. ..

  'Everywhere I go
   Everything that I do
   All the things I see
   I'm reminded of you'

that is just a different way of wording it.. to you it might not sound as good as yours.. that's ok.. i don't want you to change anything on my behalf.. I usually write so that my pace on every other line has the same number of syllables.. but that's just a way of evening things out.. so.. no big deal..

I loved this all together.. it was very simple like I said before but I could also relate to it.. great job..

keep it up..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-06-04 01:26 AM

Well, I was going to say the same thing Heather said about that one stanza but since she already said it why say it?

This poem was a pleasure to read and easy to understand, which I liked because sometimes you just get tired of those complex poems and you just want something “simple”.

I loved the title for this, how it matched the poem yet seemed… to bring out the curiosity in a person to read this? Something like that… I know I liked it though.

Good job on this poem, I would love to see more like it

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