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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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where? |
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is 
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--very repetitive--i know....this is really old tho....-- where do I go, when i don’t know this road, when the ones I’ve known the longest, are the ones that don’t know this? where do i go, when my life's full of unknown, when the one i need, is the one who's presence is not guaranteed? where do i go, when i don’t want to show, when my old path is not lit, and i don’t know where ive been? where is my heart in all this pain why do i keep resulting in vain, where am I when my heart's being slain, and why does my life have this stain? where in this world do i go, when my road doesn't show? When an invisible knife, slays my desire for life? ~L |
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| © Copyright 2006 Becca - All Rights Reserved | |||
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
thats really nice. It's awesome..really..the last stanza is great. |
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is |
thanx....i was cleaning out my desk, and i found it! ha ha...well, ya, i keep finding random old ones and putting them up... ~L |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
i keep mine in a notebook=) |
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is |
i usually do too...but i hadn't on this one...or i keep it on my computer... ~L |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey, It's not really repetitive, in fact i rather liked that it repeated that one line. For me it kind of brought the whole poem together. I also liked the last stanza in this, the part about the knife was awesome! Also the questions in this, were rather enjoyable to read, cause i can relate to many of them, having had/having the same ones myself. For the most part i thought the flow was rather good, except for on the 3rd stanza. I felt that it was a little stiff there. You might want to read this poem out loud to yourself a couple of times and see what you come up with. Cause, sometimes that helps to show where the flow is off a little. At least for me it does... Great write on this one, even though it's one of your "old" writes, i enjoyed seeing it.  @-->--- |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
yeah on the third stanza i kinda though alittle awkward. caus it was pain\vain\slain\stain. the idea is really good. just tha stanza sounded like there was nothing else and so those words were used/ the fourth stanza seems alittle out there but good. and the rest of the poem is really good. i liked the third stanza , the idea of it. |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
hey this was good. And you knwo where you go? you go to the Lord of course! He has all the answers. Trust me! great write I really enjoyed this. I agree with stargal the 3rd stanza was ehh-ish but i like this poem. |
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