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people like me
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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people like me |
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penguin5 Junior Member
since 2006-05-16
Posts 21Washington |
We no longer feel optimism People like me While other kids laugh with friends I stare from across the room We spend our Friday nights at home People like me Sweet Mary Jane Gives no sympathy And why should anyone feel sorry For people like me For I never asked How they were doing |
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| © Copyright 2006 penguin5 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Umm, not one of my favorites by you so far. It seemed to be lacking something, like, it seemed to be void to me, no offence. Yet, i do think with a little more polish, this could turn out to be a terrific poem! I love the general idea, it's perfect. Also, the second stanza, my favorite, amazing, wouldn't change it at all, it's... perfect!  Thanks for sharing your poem with us! @-->--- |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Penquin~ I noticed from your profile that you play violin ... 'We spend our Friday nights at home People like me Sweet Mary Jane Gives no sympathy' ... is 'Mary Jane' a pet name for your violin, or is that a metaphor for the girl of your dreams ? Enjoyed the way your presented the 'aloneness' of some people ... often feeling alone in a crowd is something that many know ... sometimes too shy to open up ... ? I dunno ... just some thoughts I had in reading this~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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