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Teen Poetry #7
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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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One |
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xox.ice.cream.lover.xox Junior Member
since 2006-01-07
Posts 20Canada |
One glance at you And everything else fades One word from you And my breath is taken away One day with you And nothing can go wrong One smile from you And it¡¯s here I¡¯ll belong Sitting here now You¡¯re still on my mind Maybe somehow You¡¯d be here all the time A minute then two I¡¯m missing you more Today and forever It's you I live for |
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| © Copyright 2006 Sabrina R. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
hey.. I liked this alot.. it was very touching.. the ending made everything come together. it was my favorite part. keep it up..  ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi, Like heather said, I enjoyed the ending also, it did help pull the poem together. I believe without the last two stanzas the poem wouldn’t have been as good it’d just be random reasons about “the” one. I did like how on the first half you always put “one”, sometimes I get tired of reading the same thing over and over, but in this you added enough variety that it didn’t bother me. For me it added character to the poem. Very nicely done by you. The rhythm was kind of different from anything I’ve ever read. It has style though I like it. Great write on this one, I hope to see more  @-->--- |
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