Never healing wounds - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

scyzoryk_o4
Junior Member

since 2006-05-23

Posts 36
Canada and Poland

0 posted 2006-05-24 11:28 PM

hey, I know there is millions of love poems but this is my first. Hope you enjoy

You tell me you love me,
And for It I give you the stars.
I open up to you and,
even show you my scars.

I see you as perfect,
though I know your not.
You see me as ideal,
though we still fought.

Your voice flows,
And eyes glisten.
So I stare and
Carefully listen.

I love your smooth skin,
and green eyes.
You love my blond hair,
so why do we weave these lies.

Hand in Hand with you,
we both swelled with pride
So in the end
Why did you leave my side?

Love turned to hate,
and clouds covered up the stars.
In the end all you did,
was deepen my scars.

thanks for reading

Maksym

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2006-05-25 12:08 PM

oh I like this very much

(there are never too many love poems

)

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-05-29 01:00 PM

Hey scyzork_o4,

Yup, like SEA said there are never to many love poems! I love all love poems, their just sooo... lovable

As for your poem? Very awesome! I can't believe that I have not read this one sooner, and i don't know why more people haven't posted.

I must admit though, that my favorite stanza would have to be the end one, I think. Something about that one is so sad, yet not... bitter? I'm not sure how to explain it, it's just a personal feeling i'm getting from these lines.

I'm glad I saw this poem and read it, I can't wait to see more poems from you!

@-->---

scyzoryk_o4
Junior Member

since 2006-05-23

Posts 36
Canada and Poland

3 posted 2006-05-29 09:33 PM

Hey
Thanks for the comments, they are truly appreciated. However after reading the poem over I think i want to change it a bit...
i would like to put the put the 3rd stanza first so it looks like this:

Your voice flows,
And eyes glisten.
So I stare and
Carefully listen.

You tell me you love me,
And for It I give you the stars.
I open up to you and,
even show you my scars.

I see you as perfect,
though I know your not.
You see me as ideal,
though we still fought.

I love your smooth skin,
and green eyes.
You love my blond hair,
so why do we weave these lies.

Hand in Hand with you,
we both swelled with pride
So in the end
Why did you leave my side?

Love turned to hate,
and clouds covered up the stars.
In the end all you did,
was deepen my scars.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-05-29 09:57 PM

Can I ask what made you decide to change the first stanza, is there any particular reason? I like it both ways, so I really have no preference, I was just wondering.

As always though, I still think this is an excellent write

@-->---

scyzoryk_o4
Junior Member

since 2006-05-23

Posts 36
Canada and Poland

5 posted 2006-05-29 10:14 PM

Well I just recently finished this poem so I never really had a chance to read it over. Though the reason I changed it is because "Carefully LISTEN" opens up the next line "You TELL me you love me". Also its the only line without something negative and so I think it just flows better.. Once again thanks for your reply.

Maksym

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.