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Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2006-05-12 11:14 AM

Sewn lips and surgical steel
cast about as line from reel
Bonded wrists to paralyze
lost alone in sterile eyes
Anchored down and freedom want
abysmal deep and memories taunt
Skin my flesh so pain subsides
save my tears from the risen tide
A life so small in a sea so vast
line from a reel as i'm cast.

5-11-06

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-partially from " Slave of Love" by: Me. (posted in

pullingxthextrigger
Member

since 2006-05-01

Posts 133
MA,..USA llx

1 posted 2006-05-12 04:11 PM

woah!!! that was so AWESOME!!!i LOVED the beginning and the end and it flowed perfectly. one word- wow
keep it up

~nora<3

your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD!

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-05-13 10:42 AM

Wow.. this is one of your best.. it's also shorter than what you usually write so great job.. keep it up.. not really any constructive critiques to go on this one.. just keep em coming..

~heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Fabiani
Member

since 2006-05-12

Posts 123
Mesa, Az

3 posted 2006-05-13 05:43 PM

good job great metaphors

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

4 posted 2006-05-13 07:55 PM

you guys are awesome... i appreciate that you always take the time to come see what i'm up to next :-) thanks

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-partially from " Slave of Love" by: Me.

:.flower.:
New Member

since 2006-05-25

Posts 5

5 posted 2006-05-30 02:51 PM

good, its short and powerful

:_taylor flower_:

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

6 posted 2006-05-30 07:27 PM

Wow... I must of missed this one when I was away, I'm glad someone put it back on the top so I could see it!

This is such an awesome poem, I think it will be one of my favorites by you. I really liked the first four lines, amazingly well written, and brilliant flow. If anything could be perfect, this is perfect

Great write on this one, sorry to be so late in posting!

@-->---

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

7 posted 2006-06-01 06:36 PM

Thanks alot everyone, i haven't really written in rhyme in such a long time i was really pleased with how this turned out for, but your comments are great as usual always supportive :-) thank you all

- Mike

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-partially from " Slave of Love" by: Me.

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