Teen Poetry #7 |
Cast from Reel |
Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
Sewn lips and surgical steel cast about as line from reel Bonded wrists to paralyze lost alone in sterile eyes Anchored down and freedom want abysmal deep and memories taunt Skin my flesh so pain subsides save my tears from the risen tide A life so small in a sea so vast line from a reel as i'm cast. 5-11-06 Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free |
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© Copyright 2006 Michael Lentini - All Rights Reserved | |||
pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
woah!!! that was so AWESOME!!!i LOVED the beginning and the end and it flowed perfectly. one word- wow keep it up ~nora<3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD! |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Wow.. this is one of your best.. it's also shorter than what you usually write so great job.. keep it up.. not really any constructive critiques to go on this one.. just keep em coming.. ~heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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Fabiani Member
since 2006-05-12
Posts 123Mesa, Az |
good job great metaphors |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
you guys are awesome... i appreciate that you always take the time to come see what i'm up to next :-) thanks Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free |
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:.flower.: New Member
since 2006-05-25
Posts 5 |
good, its short and powerful :_taylor flower_: |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow... I must of missed this one when I was away, I'm glad someone put it back on the top so I could see it! This is such an awesome poem, I think it will be one of my favorites by you. I really liked the first four lines, amazingly well written, and brilliant flow. If anything could be perfect, this is perfect Great write on this one, sorry to be so late in posting! @-->--- |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
Thanks alot everyone, i haven't really written in rhyme in such a long time i was really pleased with how this turned out for, but your comments are great as usual always supportive :-) thank you all - Mike Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free |
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