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fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2003-11-22 03:11 PM

hey. what's up? i haven't posted in awhile, so be gentle! lol just messin, i like this one but then i don't...does it seem like it could be a lot better if i got rid of some stanzas, or just rearranged them?? do tell.

You tell me you love me,
Yet you think about her..
Am I the only person,
Missing the logic,
In this situation??

Make up your bloody mind!
Me or her,
Her or me,
It’s about damn time you decide!

And If you read that last paragraph carefully,
You’ll notice that there was no option,
Conveniently labeled ‘both’.

From what you’ve told me about her,
She was cruel, she was distant,
She refused to even touch you.
Obviously, She was great! (sense the sarcasm)
The one person who ever understood you, (Insert more here)

Even as she smiled after hurting you,
And didn’t return your calls.
Well, wait…
I guess she did return the one she used,
To dump you with.
That should count for something, right?

Dylan,
You know I love you
More than I can describe
But I’m no guy’s second girl
So you need to make up your mind.

-Bergundy-

"Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man)

[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (11-22-2003 03:12 PM).]

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

1 posted 2003-11-22 05:55 PM

Hey, I liked this one, don't you hate it when guys act so stupid. This one was very personal, but you stated your point well. Nice work

~*~Karen~*~

~All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them~Walt Disney

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-11-22 09:44 PM

good write.....

Ally Stone
Junior Member

since 2003-10-20

Posts 48
D.C.

3 posted 2003-11-22 10:36 PM

Haha...all men should read this. I really liked this one, good job. The only awkwardness I detected was the third stanza... I like this, but I'm not sure it fits where it is. However, since I can suggest no better place to put it, you can curse me for my uselessness and do whatever you like. Keep Writing!
---A---

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

4 posted 2003-11-22 10:39 PM

I agree with all the posts so far..nice one

I know you think that I shouldnt still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in tha

greco
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 85
buffalo ny

5 posted 2003-11-22 11:31 PM

i have to dissagree i am a man and not all men are like this if fact most arent
maybe its just the men you hang around with
lol joking
but i decent write and something all men should take into consideration

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

6 posted 2003-11-23 03:39 AM

hey everyone,
thanks for being nice lol. it's cool to come back and see a lot of replys. i think some of you are misunderstanding though...i don't mean this piece as a diss to guys. i'm not even really that angry with the guy this is about, just frustrated as hell (haha yay for synonyms) i know a bunch of cool guys though, and it is kind of depressing to think that the entire male section of the species just sucks. that can't be, there's gotta be some good ones left, right? anyway, thanks for replying, you all rock! lol.
btw if this is long i am just very giddy cuz i just got home from an awesome concert..mindless self indulgence and tub ring. both awesomely awesome bands. :-)
-bergundy-

"Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man)

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

7 posted 2003-11-23 08:49 PM

I know this feeling. I have to say though, that I dont' think you need to take out any stanzas. Maybe it was because I've been through similar that I got the frustration out of this instead of the guy-diss.
*hugs* I hope things work out for you, no matter what he decides

Life isn't really all that bad... just don't take it too seriously
"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. "
--G. K.Chesterto

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

8 posted 2003-11-24 12:32 PM

thanks :-)

"Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man)

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