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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-05-01 09:44 PM

Head hung low as it starts to rain
The wet hair falls into your face
As i start to wonder
If it was all a waste
Every site, every sound, every single taste
As my heart stops
I can't breath
What the hell happened to me

When this all started I had so many dreams
But now im broken
And tearing at the seams

I drop to my knees
When my heart starts to bleed
Lying on the groud
I just start to scream

Its so dark
Im so cold
Why am I all alone
Because ill still be here like a painting
Ill still be here
Im still waiting

For every cry
For every tear
For every night
For every year
I was here
But im still waiting
Broken and confused

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-05-01 09:54 PM

Let me applaud you on this..

I loved this.. so much... It was such a great write by you.. and with this you proved that a poem doesn't have to be organized to be a great poem.. this was awesome.. some might disagree with me.. but I truly believe this is ONE of your best that you've posted..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

pullingxthextrigger
Member

since 2006-05-01

Posts 133
MA,..USA llx

2 posted 2006-05-01 10:58 PM

When this all started I had so many dreams
But now im broken
And tearing at the seams

I loved that part!!!
I agree with heather--VERY nice poem
keep up the great work <3

~nora

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-05-02 08:44 AM

Wow... Yeah, Heather no I'm not about to disagree with you on this one, cause i think it was me you were talking about...

Although i like to see poems organized, with grammar, and perfect spelling, it's not 100% needed. And on this one, it's not needed, this poem is perfect just how it is, and i agree that this is one of your better ones so far, although i've only read one or two so far...

These two stanzas would have to be my favorite though,

"I drop to my knees
When my heart starts to bleed
Lying on the groud
I just start to scream

Its so dark
Im so cold
Why am I all alone
Because ill still be here like a painting
Ill still be here
Im still waiting "

I like these stanzas a lot! I love how you compare yourself to a painting, it's really unique.

Anyway, I can't wait to see more from you
Keep up the good writes

@-->---

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

4 posted 2006-05-02 07:14 PM

loved it... but its breathe not breath lol yeah good write tho

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

5 posted 2006-05-02 08:02 PM

Stargal..

Hey girl.. I didn't mean any offense towards you on that first post earlier.. I wasn't really talking about anyone in particular.. believe me I like for poems to be organized too.. I find it easier to read an understand.. sorry if you thought I was being mean.. and talking about you.. It's really not that way. promise..

I love it when you comment on other's poems.. It shows me that you care about this site and you are trying to do your part.. so.. no worries..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

6 posted 2006-05-02 08:55 PM

Yeah Stargal! Your posts are really helpful.
Uhh. Welcome to piptalk. I don't think that I've read any thing of yours yet. I agree with every one above me. It is nice. It could use a little more organization though. I wont say anymore 'cause you don't want to be critiqued.

Jessica

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

7 posted 2006-05-02 09:58 PM

Hey Heather,

Sorry about that, I know you didn't mean it in a bad way, just sometimes I disagree with you, so i assumed that's what you meant

Jessica- thanks for... umm, everything!

Tempest, i still love this poem, like sometimes i'll read something and like it, than i'll go back and read it again and i hate it! but this one... no worries, i loev it

@-->---

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